THE BLOG
01/05/2011 11:07 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Prediculous: My Prediction for 2011

As I predicted in 2010, nobody asked me to make my annual predictions for 2011. It turns out that this is the only prediction I got right last year, but I see no reason to let this stop me. Sometimes wrong predictions have a way of working out. For instance I predicted that President Obama would flee to his homeland of Kenya once it was discovered that he was a secretly spearheading a Nazi/Muslim conspiracy. It did not come true, but it did get me a job as an analyst on Fox News.
So now, get ready for 2011:

* In a desperate quest to attract ever younger viewers, the TV networks will broadcast their shows exclusively inside the wombs of pregnant women.

* Sarah Palin's brave crusade for the rights of obese children will go awry when a group of hungry kids mistakes Palin for a Taco Bell Crunchy Beef Burrito and eat her.

* A scandal will erupt when Miley Cyrus is videotaped reading a book.

* Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour will create outrage when he says that Style Council wasn't all bad.

* The success of Hot in Cleveland will create a demand for similar shows, including, Enlarged Prostate in Rochester, Alzheimer's in Flint and Larry King in Beverly Hills.

* Tea Party members, angry that their representatives haven't done everything they promised, will threaten to commit mass suicide. They will cancel the plan when they realize that the death tax hasn't been repealed.

* Baby Boomers will celebrate their 65th birthday by endlessly talking about themselves and how culturally significant they are... just like they did on their 64rd birthday, 63th birthday, etc.

* Julian Assange will leak how he manages to keep his hair so perfectly white, without any trace of blue (Hint: chemical weapons are involved.)

* In Afghanistan, the success of the U.S. Air Force's new multi-camera drone airplane, the Gorgon Stare, will cause a jealous U.S. Army to send over Morgan Freeman to intimidate Afghanis with "The Morgan Stare."

* New Jersey governor Chris Christie will deal with his state's blizzards by pumping several thousand gallons of grape, lime and cherry juice into the snow and eating it all in a cardboard cup.

* Steve Jobs and Apple will orchestrate a multi-month frenzy of media attention to release several groundbreaking new technologies, all of which can be used to make, distribute or watch porn.

Finally I'd like to explain again that most of predictions tend to be wrong. Because if I were actually any good at predictions, my bookie would starve.