05/22/2012 12:37 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Craigslist Nightmares: House Collective and Older Gentleman

Ouch, it almost hurts to read the ads on Craigslist. It's a horrible world out there filled with horrible people -- who want to be your roommate. All you have to do is look on Craigslist Roommate Wanted ads to figure that out. Red flags are abound -- enough to make you close your door and pull down the window shades. It's harder to find a good Craigslist roommate than it is to set up a voip phone system in your office.

For COED magazine, I discovered nightmares that included: a house collective that might be a cult, an older gentleman who wants your photo and a large man shouting at you. Once more, read on and never sleep again!

$320 Mas Rooms In Co-Op Downtown! Starting ASAP-July!

Ad Reads: The Zami Housing Collective is looking for a large amount of new members, over six! So if you've been down with co-op living, aren't into a clean house 24/7, like rando's and want to turn a space into greatness than Zami may be for you!

Zami! (rhymes with mommy, not whammy, and is also not to be confused with zomBie) is a housing cooperative with 14-18 members. We stand for social justice, radical politics, alternative lifestyles and maintaining a safer space and an autonomous zone.

Living at Zami! means:
-committing to come to house meetings at 7 p.m. every Sunday.
-committing to complete five hours of workshifts a week.
-paying your rent on time
-respecting and communicating nonviolently and effectively with your housemates
-we strive towards sustainability in all forms (we cooperatively buy local/organic/vegan food only)
-it's a home; it's not just a place to live.

My Take: Somehow I envision living at Zami! (rhymes with mommy, not whammy, and is also not to be confused with zomBie) ending with everyone putting on their Nike tennis shoes and boarding the Mothership, as follows:

$500 Commuters/part-timers Room Avail No fragrances plz

Ad Reads: One (1) Non-smoking, clean, respectful, low-key person only please -- You just you.

The only "unusual" thing is you that cannot wear or Use Any Scented products --colognes/perfumes/scented bath/personal care/lotions/laundry products, etc, as I am very sensitive/allergic to ANYTHING with a fragrance.

Just use/choose UNscented products instead.

My Take: My new roommate better not piss me off or eat my food in the middle of the night. Do you know what happens if she does? The scented fragrances get slapped right on; here comes the musty pine cologne!

Older gent looking for companionship... no sex

Ad Reads: I would like a good looking young girl to live with me.

I have a nice condo in the Marina overlooking the boats. Your own bedroom and bathroom.

I am a bit old and I am no longer interested in sex, but would like to have a nice female to brighten up my day.

Send me a picture or two and the nicest one wins.

My Take: Hey! It's like a fun contest involving an older gent as the prize. All you young girls have to do is send this older gentleman photos of yourself. He'll then look through all the photos of the young girls. Then he'll pick a winner. Who knows? It could be you! Then all you have to do is brighten this older gentleman's day!