I'm writing to you because my occasional tweet doesn't seem to be getting through to you. I have a few things I'd like to talk to you about.
Firstly, in an interview not too long ago, you stated that homosexuality makes you feel "threatened." I'd like to clarify that you have nothing whatsoever to feel threatened about. If your fear is that we gay guys are going to "convert" you into being gay, you need to take a step back. We don't spend Sundays knocking on doors asking people to "join us." So if you're concerned that we could "turn you," then -- surprise! -- you're probably already gay.
But I have a much more pressing bone to pick with you and your party.
At present I'm living in Los Angeles, a wonderful place where gay people can get married legally and have the same rights as our straight counterparts. Meanwhile, Australia is painfully behind when it comes to marriage equality. I'd like to ask why you think it appropriate that Australia exempt itself from the progress we see in the rest of the Western world.
I would imagine that, considering Australia's embarrassing history of discrimination against its native Aboriginal people, stigmatizing another population of people, this time based on their sexuality, would be far from what you'd hope to achieve. You also have a sister who is openly gay, and I would think that a fact like that would have some sort of effect on your conscience. But, seeing as it doesn't, I'm going to point out something else that might motivate you: You are currently being laughed at on a global scale, for a number of reasons. Your shameful ways of thinking are making not only you but Australia as a nation seem incredibly backward and archaic.
But seeing as this seems to be the path you're on, I'm going to ask for something that could potentially help your case as prime minister, because, quite frankly, you're not very liked at the moment, and I highly doubt you'll be doing another term as prime minister. Here's my idea: Grant permission for the same-sex couples of Australia to marry. That way your legacy will include at least one good deed.
We aren't asking for special treatment. We just want the same rights as everyone else. No more, no less.
Have a think and get back to me.