Where do you pull from when your mental file cabinet is full of so many painful memories? When you have been lied to, used, hurt and the wounds refuse to close.
When you have been betrayed by family members who were supposed to support and love you?
When so-called friends have hidden agendas and do nothing but drain your energy.
When you've been mistreated, misunderstood, put down, abused, ignored, abandoned and neglected.
Your entire life you've been called too sensitive, too emotional. The words cut deep, the ones orating never realizing why the emotions are always there, bubbling at the surface.
Not realizing your entire foundation, where you come from, was built on sand.
The walls you've built were necessary. You needed a foundation, a home. So you protected yourself, surrounded yourself with walls so high that no one could get in.
You've worked your entire life to get healthy. To survive.
Then someone comes along with a bagful of hope. They promise you love, respect, commitment.
But all you know is people leave. No matter what you do, no matter how loving, caring, giving, how "good" you've tried to be.
You learned early on that you exist alone. That no one truly ever has your back. So you've convinced yourself that you need no one.
The smallest slight, causes you to pull from your ugly past and distorts your present reality. You retreat back to the safety of your four walls. The thought of complete trust is terrifying.
Love. It's a new feeling and it leaves you vulnerable, scared.
In the past you tried to love, but you failed.
You've become cynical. Without meaning to you start to over-analyze every perceived slight. You look for reasons to run back to your cave.
Because you're scared, so very scared to believe.
You feel happy, but the anxiety is overwhelming. You keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
You don't want to be conditioned like this. You wish your brain would align with your heart and just let go. But the little girl with her long blonde braids stands at the street corner. She is afraid to move when the walk sign flashes.
She has watched everyone else cross the street to the other side. The times she's ventured out, vehicles hit and injure her, sending her further back away from the crosswalk.
So she waits, watching the cars whizz past and the people continue across the street.
One day a figure appears on the other side of the road. A face she has never seen before but recognizes immediately. Without thinking she takes a tentative step off the curb.
He walks towards her and is unfazed as the vehicles ricochet off his body. She sees his visible scars as he continues towards her. She takes a few steps forward but panic sets in and she freezes. She can't move.
He doesn't stop, reaches the little girl and picks her up. The vehicles stop moving and all of the people suddenly vanish. He turns with her in his arms and takes her to the other side of the road.
She closes her eyes, puts her arms around him and for the first time in her life, she breathes. He holds her and together they move beyond the traffic to start their journey on a different road.