THE BLOG
10/24/2014 04:15 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

What the Worst Sex of My Life (On My Wedding Night!) Taught Me About Love

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It was to be the "happiest" day of my life.

I had just married the man I believed to be the love of my life.

And I was sure, absolutely, positively sure that I had made the right decision.

Then, the wedding night arrived. And because I had been raised to be a "good" Fundamentalist Christian (more on that in the future), we had waited to have sex until our glorious wedding night.

I had even purchased Victoria's Secret lingerie for this exact moment.

I couldn't wait, I was finally to be celibate no more!

And then.

And then, it was the absolute worst sex ever. So bad, even I, as inexperienced as I was, knew that I was in serious trouble. Worse yet, he didn't seem to notice that it was quite possibly the most radically terrible sex ever had by two human beings on the planet.

I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say, on the plane ride back from our destination wedding, my hands gripped the arm rests, my eyes bulging out of my head in horror while he slept idly in the seat next to me.

What. In. The. Mother. Hell. Was. I. Going. To. Do.

Well, I did what any inexperienced, young wife would do. I worked desperately to create an enjoyable sexual connection with the man who was now my husband. This was especially difficult because he unfortunately did not think there was anything wrong with the sex we were -- infrequently -- having. However, I pushed on, determined that somehow, someway I could make the sex between us better.

Two and a half years later and the jig was up.

I was exhausted and stopped trying. He discovered he did not want to be married anymore.

And this -- from start to finish -- became one of the biggest gifts of my life. It caused me to investigate deep within myself what love and sex have to do with life satisfaction and uncover my own incredible realizations on these two very important topics. Realizations that have led me to now support women and couples all around the world in having the hottest sex of their lives.

Here's some of what I uncovered:

• The true love of your life never breaks up with you. Ever.

• You and the love of your life do not require a book full of techniques to create yummy, incredible sex.

• The love of your life would know if you two had the worst sex ever. And would talk to you about it immediately until there was a dedicated plan in place to heal whatever was at the root of it for both of you.

• The quality of the sex between two people is a direct reflection of what is happening at a deeper level between one or both parties, and most certainly in the relationship dynamic. The sex between my husband and I was horrendous because there were parts of ourselves we had not healed around intimacy. There were secrets that even we didn't realize we were keeping from each other that were serving as blocks to a truly deep connection. It wasn't a problem that could be solved with tantra (although I tried) or increased frequency (yep, tried that too).

Satisfying sexual connection -- for both parties -- is dependent on a satisfying emotional connection. Yep, I said it. And yes, this is true for women and for men.

For both people to truly feel sexually satisfied, there must be intimacy on all levels -- mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. If there is not, it will show up in the sexual intimacy. If there's a place we're holding back emotionally -- either partner -- it will show up in the quality of the sex. If there are resentments that have not been healed or anger that is simmering -- it will show up in the quality of the sex. If there is sexual trauma that is being avoided or repressed by one or both parties -- it will show up in the quality of the sex.

Because, when we're all truly honest with ourselves, what we're really craving is Soul Sex. Soul Sex is where there is total transparency, intimacy and deep connection. Where both parties are aware, conscious and engaged in their individual and coupled Soul Alignment so that when they come together they are able to show up as authentically and intimately as possible. And when you take that into the bedroom, you better watch out. There's no special oils, techniques, tips or tricks required. The hottest sex is the sex you're having by showing up 100 percent as who-you-really-are, with your partner doing the same.

Soul Sex takes a commitment by each person to really know themselves on the deepest levels and to share that within the context of the sacredness of their relationship. It looks differently for each couple, because each couple gets to create what is most satisfying to both of their Souls.

We all deserve deeply conscious, connected, hot, mind-blowing sex. And it's up to each of us to allow that kind of deep loving connection and partnership into our lives so that we can experience it.

So, are you ready to bring Soul Sex into your life experience? Right now, tap Cortices with a focused intention of allowing Soul Sex into your life and ask to be led to the perfect practitioner/modality/course (i.e. whatever is perfect for you) for that to occur. Next, treat everything that happens from there as a sign. Enjoy! And post your experiences in the comments below or reach out to me to share. We're all so very ready for this!

For more from Heather Strang, visit here.