It seems I continually fight "The Battle of the Bulge," and the winner is the Bulge.
Why, oh why, am I cursed with a slow metabolism, willpower that fails at the least temptation, and mood swings that are dependent on the bathroom scale?
Everyone knows that the older we get, the harder it is to shed those unwanted pounds. What they don't tell you is it's not hard. It's freaking impossible.
Was it 30 pounds ago I thought I was fat? What did I know about aging and weight gain? I assumed that my surefire weight loss tricks -- like skipping dessert for a couple of days, or eating cabbage soup -- would work forever.
But once again I'm riding the weight loss train, headed for Old Clothesville so that I can get into my favorite pair of jeans by summer.
Dieting is hard. And I admit, I'm not very good at it. Maybe I need to come clean and confess why I'm not seeing results ... again.
Like mine, your diet may be doomed if you...
1. Cook and taste. Meaning: I've got a pot of chili on the stove. Does it need a little cayenne? Stir, taste. Maybe a touch more chili powder. Stir, taste.
2. Break a cookie in half and think you're only eating half the calories. You know you're going back for that other half. And you'll probably break a second cookie in half and repeat. Am I right?
3. Stand at the fridge. In the dark. Fork out some leftover lasagna while no one's looking.
4. Liven up that salad with croutons, bacon bits, and edamame until the mixed greens are undetectable.
5. Wear stretchy pants. Yes, I love them too. But they don't give you the foghorn warning signal of overindulgence that tight jeans do.
6. Go with the six small meals a day theory but still have your regular-size breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
7. Count yoga as your cardio activity.
8. Spice up your fruit intake with a little flour, sugar, and eggs -- as in, banana bread.
9. Vow that you'll work off that slice of pie with a workout. Forget that thought later.
10. Watch workout DVDs without actually participating.
Tell me I'm not alone. Do any of these sound familiar to you?