08/25/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Alt Twitter: What's Next?

Since Twitter has been officially crowned the latest thing we can't live without that we never knew we needed -- in the grand tradition of other such recent items as Facebook and the iPhone - I'd like to propose a number of Twitter spin-offs that I think could possibly have legs. This also follows another grand tradition; that of taking something that's hot and spinning it off into dozens of alt platforms. (see: iGoogle, iChat, iMovie, iPod, iTunes, etc.)

Bitter - nothing but gripes and complaints - but only if they hang on and make you crazy

Critter - where denizens of sites like Catster and Dogster can post tweets from their pets

Fitter - gym-rats only

Fritter - recipes for waffles and pancakes et al

Glitter - for queens in full regalia

Hitter - for baseball fans

Litter - tweets about litterbugs, both corporate and individuals, in real time

Knitter - a moving billboard for those who like to knit and purl

Quitter - if you've left your job recently this is for you

Shitter - for tweets posted while sitting on the can

Tater - anything relating to the potato, a very versatile vegetable

Titter - dual purpose; a constant stream of one liners and tweets about breasts

Tooter - a feed that relates to the release of intestinal gas

Traitor - for the Benedict Arnolds out there

Tutor - strictly for teachers

Twatter - a real time feed for prostitutes and their customers

Zitter - for dermatologists only

- and -

Teeter-totter - for the under-five set