09/03/2009 03:53 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Weeds , Episode 9 Recap

(Warning: this article contains spoilers!)

Well, color me unsurprised that the self-absorbed, self-motivated, self-obsessed Nancy B. has gone back to her regular selfish ways this week. Apparently Episode 8 was a break in the clouds, but we're back to the usual stormy weather in the life of Lady Botwin. As the curtain rises on our weekly half-hour slice of her life, Esteban is having a man-tantrum and throwing things as stoic Cesar looks on. Esteban, it seems, has realized he actually is in love with La Nancy -- and this fact makes him furious. He's a druglord, for God's sake. He should be in charge.

Silas and Doug look on as nebbishy Dean Hodes unconvincingly recounts a very involved story of how he was ripped off in a shady neighborhood of all the pot from the store on his way home from the police station. Even if we didn't know he was lying, we'd know he was because there are way too many picayune details in the heist.

Meanwhile, young Shane (now a very cynical fourteen years of age) is told by his two goth girlfriends that he stands a chance of having a STD, because they were diagnosed with chlamydia. Nancy, looking completely stoned although she isn't, takes him to the clinic with Andy by her side. Which leads to, of course, many an Andyism about the time he got a VD at Burning Man, et al. "The last thing we need is another Uncle Andy fractured fairy tale," quoth Nancy as she tries to explain to Andy that Shane needs a parent, not a friend, at this particular moment.

While Shane's dropping trow for the doctor, the estranged Mr. and Mrs. Hodes are working together at a You're Pretty! sales session. After the ladies are treated to some free hooch, they break out the credit cards in a New York minute to purchase the marijuana-filled cosmetic cases. Looks like Celia's back on top. For the moment, anyway. She later cheerfully announces to Silas and Doug that she's moving out and into a new condo. (Doug, of course, then crashes a You're Pretty! seminar to see if he can be as successful as she apparently is.)

Andy and Nancy huddle over tropical drinks at a fake Hawaiian restaurant. It's Nancy's first reunion with alcohol since before the baby, and at the outset she's in heaven. Then the burden of her milk-filled breasts becomes too great and she tries to pump in the bathroom to relieve the pressure. It doesn't work. She calls Andy and begs him to join her in the ladies' room. I think you see where I'm going with this, and much as I deal in spoilers every week, this has to be seen to be believed. It's this week's 420 Moment, but the drug of choice this time is rum.

Esteban, fresh on the heels of a date with a Mexican model who comes from the perfect family, barges into the house in his lovable druglord fashion and proposes to Nancy again. In typical Esteban parlance: "We will get married. Now." As he and Nancy argue the point in the yard, Cesar looking on, an assassin walking by shoots at them. Instead of hitting either Nancy or Esteban, the bullet hits Shane in his shoulder. And scene! The camera lingers on Nancy's horrified face as she looks at her second son while he slumps down to the ground. ¿Qué sigue?

Weeds can be seen on Showtime Monday nights at 10pm.