THE BLOG
11/18/2013 05:53 pm ET Updated Jan 25, 2014

The Real Me

The Real Me

I realized today that's it's been weeks since I submitted a new blog to Huffington Post. I turned to my daughter who happened to be sitting across from me at my dining room table and mentioned this. I offered up the excuse that I haven't had anything to talk about because for the first time in several years I feel totally at peace.

She looked at me and said, "So why don't you write about that?"

And so, here I am, once again letting my readers into my little world. Those who have followed me know that several years ago I published my first novel, "Both Sides of the Coin." Those of you who really know me knew that parts of the novel were based on my own life. Yes I, the least likely woman to ever 'take off her white gloves,' fell totally in love with a much younger man. For the first time in my life I did the unexpected. I didn't care what anyone might think of me. I went into this relationship with a full heart and for over thirty years, as unconventional as it was, it was enough to totally fulfill me.

When my little world came to an end a couple of years ago, it totally devastated me to the point of almost destroying my health. I had survived so many unhappy moments in my earlier life, yet I had never found myself such a total mess. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat and worst of all I couldn't talk about it. I had made my 'love affair,' the story of my life, and how could I admit the story had ended? It was not my decision to shut the book on this. It had come so suddenly. I needed one final moment that might set my mind at ease. I needed to be face-to-face and that seemed very unlikely.

Yet several weeks ago I had that moment. With very little forewarning we were thrown into each other's path. It was as though the heavens above took mercy on me. Many years ago he had told me we were Soul Mates. I have always believed this. I still do. But what I finally came to realize at this encounter was that we had done all we were meant to do together in this lifetime. We both agreed that it was time to hold our memories tight but to let each other go. He has so many goals still to be reached. With twenty extra years on him, I have been blessed to have reached mine. I have found my peace and my hope is that someday he also finds his for he is a good, decent and loving man.