07/02/2013 04:01 pm ET Updated Feb 26, 2014

You Can Find Love Again After Divorce

After a divorce, the dust on the relationship settles, and you might be resistant (consciously or unconsciously) to seek love again. Once bitten, twice shy, right?

I can relate! Without going into too much detail, let's suffice it to say that while the end of my marriage was a relief, the end of the two relationships that followed were incredibly painful and made me reconsider my ability to find the right partner. I spent several years alone and pretty darn sure that's how I'd be at least until my daughter went off to college. I was committed to her and my businesses, so keeping busy allowed me to live under the illusion that a relationship wasn't something I wanted.

But truthfully, it was. I like being in a relationship, loving someone and having them love me. Having someone to come home to, call when something happens (good or not-so-good), and share the richness of life with.

So, I changed my focus from "looking for examples where men weren't so good" to "looking for examples of great relationships." You get what you look for, it's true, and when I started looking for men and women in happy relationships, I started to find them.

That caused me to do a few things:

  • I began to seek out solid relationship advice and information. What makes a good relationship? How can I be a good, no great, partner? Where might I find some good candidates?
  • I decided what was possible, that it was possible for me, and I deserved it!
  • I let go of my anger, sadness, frustration and resistance. *Whew!* That was a great day!
Once I had opened myself up a tiny bit, I found a tremendous man who has been an incredible addition to my life and my daughter's life. I wrote about it, and my philosophy about love, dating and relationships here.

In order to find love, in whatever form you want it (a marriage, a committed relationship, or just someone to hang out with now and then), in my opinion it helps to make some personal decision that will allow that to happen. What do you think? Are you ready?