08/30/2013 03:27 pm ET Updated Oct 30, 2013

Back to School TV Swag for Your Homicidal, Adulterous 3rd Grader


Long before they became the ironic purse of choice for Brooklyn hipsters, the school lunch box gave elementary school students one of their first opportunities for individual self-expression. (That and truancy. And then driving an ATV directly into social studies class. But we grew up in the South.)

Selecting the right lunch box was (and is) the childhood version of picking out your Facebook profile picture -- it's not just about who you are. It's about how you want to be seen by the world.

While the use of high-tech, insulated lunch bags has threatened to overtake the entire industry in recent years, there remains a dedicated faction of lunchanistas committed to the traditional box style concept. Lunch boxes are sturdier, look cooler and can double as a shield in your child's next dodge ball game or food fight.

All lunch boxes really need is a pop culture update. We've created a few (totally fake, sadly not-for-sale) examples to send your child back to school feeling confident about their identity as well as the integrity of that peanut butter and fluff sandwich that you packed with loving care, and with the intent of surviving an ATV crash into the side of a brick building.

Back to School TV Swag For Your Homicidal, Adulterous 3rd Grader