01/13/2014 11:56 am ET Updated Mar 12, 2014

All or Nothing

Though I have probably discussed this topic in a previous blog, the message is worth many repetitions, mostly because the concept is so contrary to popular belief/experience that acceptance may be difficult. For most, survival is a daunting lifelong struggle. As some wag said:

"Life is a bitch, and then you die."

It is an inescapable observation that living under most world conditions frequently seems such an escalating challenge that it takes all one's energy just to stay afloat; the more effort expended, the fewer rewards are reaped. According to most popular wisdom, we are that taught that operating at 99 percent of one's capacity is grueling, exhausting and unfulfilling.

Oddly enough, working at 100 percent of capacity transforms labor into a harmonious flow which is ultimately invigorating, productive and satisfying.

For some time I have been documenting a major personal transition, moving from a 5.5-room co-op to a one bedroom plus living room rental, perhaps the most challenging endeavor of this incarnation. Today I will depart from that narrative to talk about the underlying evolvement of my emotional and spiritual development as, once more... THE GAME CHANGES.

When the economic crisis of 2009 occurred, It became clear that no amount of wishful thinking was going to alter this inescapable fact: I had to move to higher (and more affordable) ground or drown in a flood of escalating debt and overwhelming frustration. My co-op costs were rising as income decreased.

Co-existing with this inevitability of physical upheaval was another ground shift, one challenging the basic beliefs that I had so carefully constructed and nurtured for many decades. Some years back I made a somewhat reverse Faustian covenant with Creation:

I will live the rest of this earthly span exclusively in service to the highest aspect of my being -- the portion that is one with my maker.

I will put all my eggs in one basket, sink or swim, win or lose. I will put my money where my mouth is, walk my talk, tell my truth. There is no middle ground. Just as one cannot be a little bit pregnant, one can serve only one master.

Either God is everything or nothing.

I am far enough along on this journey to know for sure that this is the only road that leads to ultimate Truth. How can I be so sure?

"Thus by their fruits you will recognize them." -- Mathew 7:20

This for me refers to observing results from my choices.

My soon-to-be-vacated apartment is rather dark in coloring -- dark stained wood floors, rich earth tones, Chinese red rug -- you get the picture. Sunlight is sparse, even in rooms that face south, because of high rises across the street. The interior office where I work overlooks a courtyard and the building next door. The furniture is black, placed on a brown tweed carpet, accented by a huge bronze Buddha. Though I have enjoyed writing here, there will be no separate workroom in my new digs. Instead there will be a bedroom/studio.

Browsing on the Internet in search of a new desk, I found one that caused me to gasp with delight. The working surface is flanked by ionic columns that rise to the ceiling, in a white oak finish. The design evokes such spaciousness! A keynote was immediately established for the entire apartment for which I am applying -- floor to ceiling windows, blonde wood floors -- just the opposite of my home of over 50 years. To maintain this space, income must be generated.

Other than my creative gifts I haven't much to offer in exchange for cold cash. It appears that my possessions, except for my home, are of little value in today's market.

I have 30 days to vacate. The place looks like a war zone. Yet I am filled with the light of a dawning new day. Light always dispels darkness. As my soul brightens, my load lightens -- literally!

Breakdown always precedes breakthrough.

"The darkest hour announces the dawn." -- Unknown