02/08/2015 03:54 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

College Student Makes Netflix His Valentine


"College student makes Netflix his valentine." I can see the headlines already. The Today Show asking me how I felt, Fox News saying it's unconstitutional, Jimmy Fallon telling me how "great" it must be, and Saturday Night Live making a cold open about it.

Yes, technically I'm in love with Netflix and I'm going public about it. Dad if you're reading this I'm sorry I didn't turn out to be the heterosexual man you wanted. All I want is to live freely as a technosexual. I'm happy and proud. Let's start the parades.

Got no romantic plans for Valentine's Day? If you're thinking about what you're going to tell your friends when they ask how you're spending Valentine's Day, you can tell them you're spending it with a loved one. And that wouldn't be lying.

After reading this article, "You Love Your iPhone. Literally" from the NY Times, I have come to recognize the potential of this technological "love" concept and how it can mentally fulfill my needs and wants the same way a person who I am attached to can do so. It has to do with the brain associating the same reactions one would with a significant other. The term "addiction" to one's phone would be incorrect according to this study. Instead, the right word would be "love."

And there's a lot of truth to this idea.


1. Knows what I like and what I may be interested in

2. Is always there for me

3. Easily gets turned on

4. Is open to sharing

5. Doesn't need a $50-plus outing every week, just $9.99 a month

Trophy wife much?

I thought Bruno Mar's hit song "Just the Way You Are" was about Netflix, just like I thought Frank Ocean's song "Thinking About You" was about a girl.

I've had my moments where I pull out my phone and scroll down the exact same news feed I read seconds ago only because I don't want to feel left out or awkward in a social setting. Kind of like when people get boyfriends and girlfriends only because everyone else is doing it. This technology fulfills my needs and desires that society pressures me to want.

Sure it's ridiculous now to think that a human can fall in literal love with a device, and don't get me wrong I think it's ridiculous as well, however I like to think I'm an open-minded person and although I have my own religious beliefs, family traditions, and culture, I'm willing to accept new concepts. And this idea of technological love could very well be the future, I may not want to agree with it, but I accept it's potential.

Remember 19th century Americans thought interracial love was outrageous. Homosexuality never even used to be a conversation. And the thought of raw fish was disgusting to me until I had sushi.

With technological advances getting closer to mastering Artificial Intelligence, it's hard not to look at what might become of us in the near future.

If you're like me, you give yourself an airport security pat down every time you leave an area to check for three things:

1)Your wallet

2)Your keys

3)Your phone.

If I don't feel my wallet, it's not that bad.

If I don't feel my keys, I start to panic.

If I don't feel my phone, all hell breaks loose inside me.

I meltdown with the thought of losing all my contacts, notes that contain passwords to my social media accounts, access to my checking and savings, and worst of all I might get raided on Clash of Clans. My life is ruined.

And sure, I can go to the AT&T store and get a new phone, but it won't be or feel the same physically and emotionally. I don't want to move on. We shared so many memories that are now lost. Does that sound familiar?

It's 'tech'nically love. (Ha, clever)

All I'm really saying is, to reiterate, if you're alone on Valentine's Day it's okay to tell everybody you've got plans with a loved one.

Happy Valentine's Day!

By the way, if Siri had Scarlett Johansson's voice that would be awesome.... (cough cough) Apple.