THE BLOG
09/19/2014 11:20 am ET Updated Nov 19, 2014

Grace and Goodness

Tom Merton via Getty Images

I've been thinking a lot of about how we all treat each other, and to be honest, it makes me sad. We've developed this notion that only we can take care of ourselves, that it's all some competition, some fight to get ahead -- for more money, more power, more bragging-rights. But we've got it all wrong. Sure, those things will bring you a certain amount of pleasure, but what about the simple joys that make us human -- and wonderfully so? Maybe it's just me, but I'm interested less and less in what flashy stories people tell. I'm happy for you, your fancy car, your big house, your status handbag, your Rolex, whatever, but I worry about your heart. And I worry about mine too. We're all so busy, consumed by the frenzy of our lives that I worry about our ability to reboot, replenish, connect and really care.

It's cliché, I know, but there really has to be something to the fact that as humans, we have the ability to communicate with each other, to understand each other and help heal each other. It's a dirty little secret we only discuss with ourselves in the middle of the night, but we all feel a little broken. Why? Because we're looking for a kind of connection that changes us, the fills us, that make us better to ourselves and to everyone around us -- and so many of us can't seem to find it, no matter how desperately we try. And for those of us that do, it may only be for a short time. Why not make a commitment to get through this together, so it's not so lonely and so scary at times?

Look at, oh, every single song (give or take maybe 12... ever) written; Each of them are a battle cry for more peace, more understanding, more intimacy, more truth and more love. It's a cultural norm we somehow ignore.

I see so much angst, anger, defensiveness and worry among my friends, I can't help but feel like it's because we all feel a little (or a lot) roughed up. We forget the profound impact we all have on each other, truly. I forgotten text back, a snarky attitude, a yelling match, teasing, all of that stuff doesn't feel good ever, so why do we do it? Because we forget to look outside of ourselves and again, remember the impact that we have on others.

Give yourself a little more credit. You, in all your beauty and uniqueness, are someone else's everything. Someone, somewhere looks up to you, believes in you, has standards for you, loves you, adores you, wants whatever they feel blessed enough to get from you. Honor that with only the best of yourself - giving over the gentlest part of yourself and the most open. It might sound scary to be vulnerable up that way, but think about how much you may truly want and need from other people, and how amazing you feel when someone does give you those things? It works both ways.

Now I'm not saying any of this believing all needs to be sunshine and roses. We need to be realistic. Still say what you mean and mean what you say, but do it gently and with care. We're all that 6-year-old, standing on the yellow line in gym class, praying to God, we won't be picked last.

Sounds silly, but it's true. Whenever someone tells me a story from their childhood, I never forget it and always think back to what tiny "X" would say or do, think or feel, because that's the reality we're all trying to overcome, the fear of being picked last. You wouldn't blow off 6 year-old Kate, so don't blow off 30-year-old Kate, or her future 60-year old self, either.

This all being said, my 30th birthday has come and gone and 6 months later, I'm left with the overwhelming feeling of needing all things that come to me to be with grace and with goodness. However simply or wildly, however mundanely or with great fanfare, I can't handle anything dismissive or misguided, or harsh. I've had enough of that -- my fair share and then some, as maybe we all have.

I, like we all are, am trying my best at being the best -- currently, in a quiet way. The day may come where I'm ready for the mountaintop again, but right now, please just remember my fragile heart and I promise, I'll remember yours -- It's what I love and like best about you.