07/19/2010 10:22 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Don't Refudiate Sarah Palin

Palinese, that murky world where words and concepts become transmuted into things they are not, took a particularly weird turn the other day when John McCain's former running mate exhorted Muslims to "refudiate" violence in a twitter message. All the hubbub overlooked the possibility that perhaps Palin isn't simply trying to bring down big government, but the English language as well.

It would be foolish to underestimate her ability to succeed, at least in the latter area. She's already displayed great skill at mangling every word and phrase within talking distance. Imagine what she could do with the bully pulpit.

Indeed, if Palin becomes president, she might well enjoy the opportunity to rewrite not only history, but English itself. Here's what a high school grammar test might look like under the Palin regime, requiring students to turn any word starting with "re" to substitute "v"s with a "p." Correct spelling would be the following:

It's become increasingly clear that President Palin is refolted by the idea that liberals continue to control the news media. She seeks to refair this problem. Refresenting the will of the people is the job of President Palin, who finds it totally refrehensible and refulsive that the media continues to refroach her for pursuing innovative ideas. Liberals, refent, the end is nigh!

Palin is reportedly (sorry, I meant refortedly) thinking of calling it a new campaign to mind your "p"s and "f"s.