09/03/2014 12:00 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

How to Parent, According To Breakfast Club Movie Quotes

A few nights ago while I was working, I had the television on in the background, and they were showing a string of '80s Brat Pack movies. (Yes, it was my own personal little heaven.) If you grew up in the age of John Hughes movies, complete with Molly Ringwald, Judd Nelson, Emilio Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall, Ally Sheedy, Matthew Broderick and more, then you get the heaven of which I speak.

As The Breakfast Club came on and I mentally repeated almost every quote along with the characters, I had a lightbulb moment: All parenting issues and questions can be answered with Breakfast Club movie quotes. I'm serious, every single thing you deal with in parenting can be solved with something that was said in that movie. It's like all parenting roads lead to The Breakfast Club. It's the total pinnacle of parenting and means only one thing: John Hughes was even more brilliant that I initially thought.

Check it out. (You can thank me later after you whip out a few of these on your kids.)

Breakfast Club Parenting

Breakfast Club Parenting #1
Your Kid: "Can we go to the toy store this weekend?"

You: "Well, I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar."

Breakfast Club Parenting #2
Your Kid: "Why do you have to be so mean to me?"

You: "I'm being honest, a$$hole. I would expect you to know the difference."

Breakfast Club Parenting #3
Your Kid: "Mom, why are you up in my business all the time?"

You: "Okay, fine, but I didn't dump my purse out on the couch and invite everyone into my problems."

Breakfast Club Parenting #4
Your Kid: "I can't believe you made me wash all that makeup off."

You: "You know, you look a lot better without all that black sh*t under your eyes."

Breakfast Club Parenting #5
Your Kid: "It's none of your business who I'm dating."

You: "So... so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?"

Breakfast Club Parenting #6
Your Kid: "Why can't I do that? You never let me do anything!"

You: "If I lose my temper you're totaled, man."

Breakfast Club Parenting #7
Your Kid: "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?'

You: "Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"

Breakfast Club Parenting #8
Your Kid: "Fine, I like it in my room better anyway!"

You: "Good. You might learn a thing or two about yourself. You might even decide whether or not you'd care to return."

Breakfast Club Parenting #9
Your Kid: "Why can't I smoke?"

You: "Chicks cannot hold their smoke, dat's what it is."

Breakfast Club Parenting #10
Your Kid: "Why can't you be like the other parents?"

You: "I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights."

Breakfast Club Parenting #11
Your Kid: "Why do you always say no?"

You: "Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns."

Breakfast Club Parenting #12
Your Kid: "I don't need to clean my room. I'm just going to shove it all over in the corner."

You: "That's very clever, sir. But what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise..."

Breakfast Club Parenting #13
Your Kid: "Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?"

You: "You ask me one more question and I'm beating the sh*t out of you."

And one last one for the friends...

Breakfast Club Parenting #14
Your Friend without Kids: "At least you have kids."

You: "Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. That when I get older, these kids are going to take care of me."


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