02/13/2015 03:10 pm ET Updated Apr 15, 2015

20 Ways You Know You're a Mom

Jessica Peterson via Getty Images

You know you are a mom if:

1. You've used spit to clean something. Most often it's a kid's cheek.

2. You've gone longer than two days without taking a shower, and been okay with it.

3. You've used the kids as an excuse to get out of a social function.

4. You've used the kids as an excuse to get out of sex with your spouse.

5. You've spent so much time at the pediatrician's office that you've made friends with the front desk staff.

6. You have worn dirty clothes taken from the hamper.

7. You have worn dirty clothes. Full stop.

8. You've gone to the bank/grocery store/Target in yoga pants, and didn't think twice about it.

9. Your hairstyle hasn't changed since #1 popped out.

10. You've gotten into an argument with someone over breastfeeding/bottle feeding/cloth diapers/working or staying at home/organic/non-GMO and not given a shit what the other person thought about you afterwards.

11. You've said, after a really hard day with the kids, "It's 5 o'clock somewhere" and poured yourself a glass of vino.

12. You can't remember the last time you replaced your razor since you shave your legs so infrequently.

13. You've cleaned out your purse and found a diaper, old lipstick, crumbled up goldfish crackers, a pacifier, dried up wipes, and toy cars.

14. You have used the phrase, "Because I said so."

15. You have used the phrase, "I'm going to give you three seconds. One... Two... Two and a half..."

16. You've snuck into your kids rooms at night to watch them sleep.

17. You have thought to yourself, "They're so perfect!" while doing #16

18. You've eaten the leftovers off your kids plate without a second thought.

19. You have had a conversation with a friend while saying to your kids, "It's not polite to interrupt." or "Let Mommy finish first, sweetie."

20. You've yelled at your kids, then felt so guilty that you went into your closet to cry. In there, you found the box of chocolates you hid, so that no one else would eat them, and scarfed down five pieces. Ok, ok, that one was probably just me.

How else can you tell you're a mom? Let me know in the comments! And for more funny parenting stories, visit MrsMuffinTop by clicking here!