01/11/2012 05:28 pm ET Updated Mar 12, 2012

Bachmann as Butterfly?: GOP Candidates Reimagined as Famous Opera Characters, Part 2

Madama Butterfly is an opera in three acts by Giacomo Puccini, with an Italian libretto by Luigi Illica and Giuseppe Giacosa.

Some plot text taken from Aaron Greene's Synopsis of Madama Butterfly on

Pinkerton: Played by the GOP Nomination and/or Republican Love
Cho-Cho-San AKA Butterfly: Played by Michele Bachmann
Kate: Played by Rick Santorum

It's one of the most tragic operas sure to stir the ire of any woman who's ever been betrayed in love. When you think about candidates who got off to a sprint only to get stuck in the quagmire of swiftly changing public opinion and easily evaporating political momentum, you see Michele Bachmann. If you've been in the audience of a Madame Butterfly production you can feel the audience members telepathically trying to warn Cho-Cho-San not to trust Pinkerton. I wonder if anyone warned Michele Bachmann?

"Atop a large hill in Nagasaki, Lieutenant Pinkerton (the GOP) of the United States Navy, inspects a house he recently rented from real-estate agent, Goro (Tea Party). Goro is also a marriage broker and has supplied Pinkerton with three servants (Palin, Cain, Trump) and a geisha wife named Cio-Cio-San (Bachmann), aka Madame Butterfly. U.S. Consul Sharpless enters the house breathless after climbing the large hill. Pinkerton explains to his friend that his is a sailor living life in the moment and seeking one pleasure after the next. He tells Sharpless that he is currently infatuated with Butterfly, but his dream is to marry an American wife (a more salable candidate). And though he has a 999 year marriage contract with her, it renews from month to month and allows divorce at any time. Sharpless warms him that his Japanese fiancée may feel more passionate about their upcoming marriage than he does. Pinkerton dismisses the advice." It should be noted, Butterfly gives up faith and family for Pinkerton. "As Butterfly's family and marriage officials arrive, Pinkerton whispers to Sharpless that this is all a farce. Butterfly's entire family renounces her (reminiscent of Bachmann's campaign discord). Her family (most recently Kent Sorenson and Wes Enos) servers all ties with her."

If you can't see it coming, let me tell you that Pinkerton (the GOP) returns to America (the drawing board), finds himself a very cute, much more marketable wife named Kate (Rick Santorum). To make matters much worse, we discover that Cho-Cho-San and Pinkerton, unbeknownst to him, have been expecting (to cinch the nomination) and have a beautiful son. An inevitable, heart-wrenching suicidal scene ensues after Cho-Cho-San sees she cannot compete. Thankfully for Mrs. Bachmann, her end was but a graceful bowing out of the race.


Carmen is a French opéra comique by Georges Bizet. The libretto is by Henri Meilhac and Ludovic Halévy.

Some plot text taken from Aaron Greene's Synopsis of Carmen on

Carmen: Played by Rick Perry
Don Jose: Played by the GOP Nomination
Micaela: Played by Mitt Romney

Even though she's obviously the star of the opera, when you think about it, Carmen was really nothing but a beautiful and, some would say, dangerous distraction. She was tempting for her passion, her boldness, her beauty and her devil-may-care attitude. Carmen had the swagger of a bull...or maybe even a good 'ol cowboy in tight jeans? Rick Perry stormed on the scene with the confidence that comes with 11 years as governor of Texas, a smile as wide as the prairie and a great head of hair perfect for tv. He knew he was handsome, charming but maybe a bit too slick for his own good. He wasn't worried about snagging Don Jose (the GOP nomination), but Micaela (the intended fiancé aka the heir apparent, Mitt Romney ) and the universe, in general, had other plans.

"In a town square in Seville, soldiers and townspeople are gathered chatting and moving about, when a young peasant girl name Micaela (Mitt Romney) questions the soldiers about her love, Don Jose (GOP nomination). The soldiers try to persuade the young girl to stay with them until Don Jose returns, but she declines and leaves. Soon, Don Jose arrives and a group of women, including the beautiful gypsy, Carmen (Rick Perry), exit the building. The soldiers (Democratic Party in the early days) flirt with the girls and asks Carmen when she will love them. When Carmen sees Don Jose she tosses a flower in front of him in order to seduce him. Don Jose picks up the flower and becomes enchanted by the beautiful Carmen. Still yet, Don Jose promises his fidelity and love to Micaela. Later, a fight breaks out at the cigarette factory between Carmen and another woman (read: Perry's worst enemy might be himself). Carmen injures the woman before she is arrested by Officer Zuniga (the GOP's growing doubts). Zuniga commands Don Jose to escort Carmen to prison. However, Carmen charms Don Jose into letting her escape (Perry charms the GOP into giving him enough time on the trail to prove himself...or do the opposite)."

If you've never seen Carmen, shame on you, but I will tell you that after some moments of star-crossed love and fits of jealous rage, the pretty lady who usually gets everything she wants ends up biting the dust. Some might say the Iowa caucus was Perry's bullfighting ring (Carmen was killed outside of one), but he's not quite dead yet. Or, is he?

Part 3 still to come. We'll find Santorum in Aida and somebody has to play Rigoletto.