Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 3, Episode 7 of ABC Family's "Pretty Little Liars," entitled "Crazy."
Just as Hanna's on the phone with her mom, saying that no one is coming over, there's a knock at the back door. It's Wilden, who didn't get the front door memo. "Why do they all have glass doors?" my mom asks of the Liars' living spaces. "You know what they say about people you live in glass houses." I mean, I do, but I'm not sure how this applies here. I appreciate her effort nonetheless.
Wilden tells Hanna that the new blood sample matches her's -- O negative. And that she needs to come in for a blood test. She denies it could be hers, but a sassy Wilden replies, "Then why do you look so scared?"
Hanna is telling the girls about Wilden on Rosewood's only block and they say not to worry. Spencer says she'll talk to Jason about his family slamming Wilden to find a suspect. But Hanna can't talk about it anymore. She has to go to school. That might be the biggest bunch of bulls--- ever on this show.
While the Prettiest Biggest Liar storms off, Aria, Spencer and Emily enter The Brew and hear a voice that sounds a lot like Ali's at the counter. She turns around and though she has the blonde hair-blue eye thing going on, it's clear she's not Ali.
Turns out, she's Cece, whose family rented a summer home in Cape May near Ali's family's house. She even dated Jason. But then she moved to LA. Though Aria, Spencer and Emily have never heard of Cece, she knows all about them. Apparently, Ali talked about all of them a lot. Cece says Ali was going through a rough time when they were friends, comparing her to "a broken doll." But before she can give too much info, Cece has to go back to work at the boutique across the street, which is probably bustling on a weekday morning on Rosewood's one block. They wonder if Cece is like Ali or if Ali was like Cece, but mostly, they're weirded out she knows their secrets, just like Ali did. My mom, on the other hand, doesn't see the Ali connection, especially since "she looks like she's 30."
Aria apparently finally gets to school and sees her mom opening a garment bag with a slutty dress inside. "Does she live in her classroom?" my mom wonders. A valid question. "That dress is really ugly," she continues. "She probably got it at Frederick's of Hollywood." A not quite as valid remark. Ella confesses to Aria about her date that night. They have girl talk -- it's nauseating. They discuss fashion options and though Ella notes Aria "wears forks as earrings," she listens to Aria's one tip: Don't wear a scarf. (Note: My mom loves scarves, a fact she does not disclose as we chat throughout this entire episode.)
Outisde of school, where every high schooler should be, Spencer is snooping in a yearbook and making some sort of crazy Ali map and wearing some sort of crazy lumberjack stiletto boots. "Oh! Spencer has go go boots. Her boots were made for walking," my mom says. Toby comes up and asks why Spencer's been avoiding him. "Did the Tobmeister drop out of high school? I forget -- or is he home schooled by his imaginary parents?" my mom wonders. (I don't have an answer since school is tertiary -- if that -- on this show. So if you do, please fill us in in the comments.)
Anyway, Spencer lets Toby know what's going on and why she's spending so much time with Jason. He thinks maybe she shouldn't be so certain it's Garrett and then urges her to get to class. At least SOMEBODY cares about this girl's education.
Nate (who's really having a hard time leaving Rosewood evidently) goes up to his "favorite barista" at The Brew -- perhaps Emily never made it to school. He has a candle for her to sniff ... for Jenna. "It looks like a Yahrzeit candle," my mom says of the Jewish memorial candle. (Clearly, she's upping the references that only people who went to Hebrew school would understand.) Emily's ready to shut down the convo with Nate and simply says Jenna will like it. "She has a highly developed sense of smell," Emily says relatively disgustedly. But Nate wants her help. Apparently, Jenna told Nate that she was good friends with Emily and Maya, who she said drove her home from school a couple times.
Hanna and Aria get home from school -- long day -- and there's a Ouija board sitting on Hanna's kitchen counter. It has all the letters crossed out except the A, which is circled in red. Hanna goes to pick up the planchette -- a word I learned this episode thanks to Aria -- and gets pricked by the pins on the opposite side. On the bottom of the planchette, there's a typed note: "See how easy it is for me to get your blood?"
Hanna starts freaking out. Aria asks what the Ouija board means, but Hanna says she doesn't know ... until Aria pushes further. It was what she buried with Ali, she admits. She and Mona played with it just days before Ali's body was discovered.
Cue flashback: Hana's isn't into the Ouija board, but Mona wants to play. She asks if the spirits know what happened to Ali, despite Hanna's objections. The planchette starts to move and it spells out A-L-I-V-E. Cue thunder and lightning as Hanna looks up and sees a vision of Ali, but the most disturbing part of this, is that Hanna's nails are without polish.
Back in the present, Aria thinks Mona planned the whole thing, since she was A and all, and is determined to go talk to her to find out who else she told that story to. Suddenly, a potted plant slams agains the glass door. S---'s getting scary and yeah, maybe those in glass houses ... you know.
Spencer runs into Jason outside of school and they talk about the anklet. "Oh god. Jason and his hair -- so greasy," my mom complains. "And this 'do is as dumb-looking as the other one." When I say, "It's half-Biebery," she's quick to defend Justin: "Which half? Biebs washes his." Touche.
Jason's pissed and giving up the search for Ali's killer after the anklet debacle. He says he's done looking for answers, but he does have to look for his dad at the airport later since he's coming into town.
Spencer brings up Cece and asks about the "intense" summer she mentioned. Jason says everything with Ms. Cece Drake is intense. "Did it end on a bad note?" Spencer wonders. "You could say that," he says, before running off. "The new 'do makes his ears stick out," my mom says, relentlessly.
Apparently, Emily agreed to go Jenna gift shopping with Nate at the new Rosewood boutique and Cece is trying to push some wallet that Rachel Zoe loves on him. Cece pulls Emily aside and asks what's going on between them and why she's not into the gift purchasing. Soon, she realizes Emily's "the one ... with the giant crush on Ali." Em tells Cece she's just upset Nate wants to go out with Jenna, but before she can fill her in on the Blind Little Liar, Nate calls her over to check out some more possible gifts. "Did you notice that art work of the baby with three eyes," my mom asks. No. No, I did not.
Nate picks up a pair of earrings that Maya had. Emily asks how he knows Maya owned them and he suspiciously says he "must of seen them in a picture or something." Nate quickly changes the subject and we find out he wishes "the hottest girl in Rosewood" (i.e. Emily) "likes guy" (i.e. is straight). "Ooooh snap," my mom adds.
Emily decides to tell Nate about Jenna dating Garrett and he seems to worry about Jenna almost being another victim like Maya, instead of getting the hint that she's not as perfect as he thinks. Oh, Em.
Ella walks into the brew in her slutty dress (which elicits an "OMG" from my mom) and starts flirting with the barista with the fresh pastries and plastic gloves. She tells him she's going on a first date. Enter Pastor Ted, which led me to audibly laugh. "Ted is quite the womanizer," my mom says. Is there an Ella/Ashley catfight in our future? One can only hope. Anyway, they decide to head out for ice cream instead of coffee. But as they eat their dessert, Ella seems disturbed by something ... and it's not the church talk.
Aria's at Radley and magically, Mona's visitation rights have been changed (we saw A do it earlier this season) -- she can head is as long as she leaves her bag, any lighters, matches, and her earrings at the desk, says the nurse. "That nurse look like that Spanish teacher who painted on her eyebrows," my mom says. ( Upside down exclamation mark. Shout out to, Senora Corrasco!)
But the nurse has to supervise their visit and Mona is creepily composed. "So, would you like to play a game?" she asks. Mona's building a giant house of cards and starts talking about the importance of a strong foundation. She asks the nurse to get her meds so she can ask Aria why she's really there. Aria is quick to tell Mona about the Ouija board and planchette on Hanna's kitchen table that was taken from Ali's grave. She tells Mona to think about Hanna and begs her to tell her who's trying to hurt her. Aria is laying down the law in an incredibly bad ass fashion when Lisa returns with the drugs. She says visiting hours are over, but before she can pull Mona and her giant cardigan away, Mona says: "It's not me. Tell Hanna I'm sorry." I was really hoping Aria would smash down cards. But despite my "do it" chanting, no dice.
Though it looks frighteningly dark at Radley, it's apparently a sunny day in Rosewood. Spencer tells Hanna her mom's going to try to get a court order and a nervous Hanna sees Ali's dad and Jason's pull up. She seems to be even more uneasy now.
Hanna decides to go over to Mr. DeLaurentis and apologizes for what she did and says she has nothing to do with Ali's body being taken. He doesn't accept her apology (for what, we're still not sure) and starts speaking to her very sternly. "At the time, it seemed like a childish prank. Seems like you've gotten crueler with age," he says before turning his back on her.
Then Hanna decides to drive to Radley and she sees Aria storming out of the building into the now very dark night. Hanna's not satisfied with what Mona told her so she decides to sneak into Radley -- and Aria's going with her even though she's quick to saucily tell her, "Visiting hours are over."
Emily's leaving The Brew when she runs into Cece, who asks what happened with Nate. Emily tells her and she says Em should take her number for some bizarre reason. Emily does, but Cece -- in a very Ali-like fashion -- instead calls Jenna and tell her she's Nate's girlfriend and she better back off or Cece's going to scratch her eyes out. Emily's quick to tell her that Jenna was blind, but Cece says, "Well, it needed to be done." (Sidebar: She also asks if Jason is still single. My mom gags.)
Apparently, Ella's date that was not so good with Pastor Ted went well into the night and she heads back to The Brew, looking for Aria via Emily, only to find the flirty barista who is again offering her pastries. He reveals he's Zack, the owner of The Brew, and he asks her to stay. My mom's response to Ella's giggle? "Vomit ... She is missing the bottom part of her dress, unless it's a romper."
Back at Radley, which gives my mom "the willies," Hanna and Aria sneak into Mona's room pretty seamlessly. She's sitting straight up in a chair and plays clueless with Hanna, who's not buying. Alison's dad's back, she says, and she's the only one who knows about the night she saw Ali. Mona pressures her to tell Aria about why Ali's dad is really angry and we flashback to Hanna and Mona walking around Rosewood.
Mona tells Hanna about their new code in which the letter of each word spells at the word they mean to say. So "she lives under trees" equals slut, which is apropos because there's a missing poster of Ali on the tree they're standing near. Suddenly, a car pulls up and Ali's dad rushes towards them while Jason follows. He yells at Hanna for giving Ali's mom hope and urges her to stay from his family.
Hanna confesses to Aria in the present that she night with the Ouija board, when she saw Ali on the patio, she called Ali's mom and told her Ali was alive, only to learn her body was discovered just three days later. But when she's done with the story, they realize, now, it's Mona who's gone.
Spencer's on the road and sees Jason's car rush by and crash right in front of her. She gets out and sees he's drunk so she pushes him over and takes the wheel. "This never happened," she tells him as she pulls out of his incredibly horrible parrell parking job, leaving her car, with the driver's door ajar, on the side of the road.
When she gets home, she tries to tell Toby what happened, but suddenly there's a knock on the back door. Of course, it's Wilden and another officer, who wonder why her car was left on the side of road. Toby covers for her and they leave, but Wilden's not buying it. Spencer confesses everything to Toby and asks him to promise not to tell about the drunk driving incident because he could lose everything. (What is "everything? exactly?)
Back at Radley, Hanna and Aria are looking for Mona when they see a door partly ajar. Then they see a lock on the door that's been picked open with the tweezers Hanna used on Mona during her sanitarium makeover session. They sneak in and hear humming, which they follow, because apparently they've never seen a scary movie. "JESUS," I say emphatically. "He's with Ted the pastor," my mom retorts.
Aria and Hanna walk through a creepy abandoned basement with giant cribs until they reach Mona's who brushing the porcelain hair of a doll who has no hair. Then she starts repeating partially non-sensical phrases over and over.
"Miss Aria, you're a killer, not Ezra's Wife."
"Where were we? Maya's away sleeping sweet. Until Garrett's all rosy, count on me."
Mona barely acknowledges them, but Hanna begs her to tell them what she knows. Then, they hear nurses looking for Mona so Hanna and Aria duck into a closet.
"No one to save Ali from evil," she says repeatedly before the nurses reach her.
"I missed my dolls," Mona says as the nurses take her upstairs, still repeating the non-sentence sentences.
Back at home in sweatpants and bunny sweatshirt, Ella and Aria talk on the phone about her not one, but two dates. The first one, she confesses, wasn't great ... solely because he ate ice cream like Byron. Aria climbs in bed with Hanna, who's obviously petrified to stay at her house tonight, and tells her mom she's definitely wearing a scarf next time. They hang up and she tells Hanna "she's a slut" (a.k.a. "she lives under trees"). Easily, my mom's favorite line.
Before they go to bed, Hanna looks at another creepy-looking doll next to Aria's bed and I Carrie Bradshawedly can't help but wonder, "Why doesn't anyone on this show have a non-old-timey doll?" My mom asks me the same thing at the same time. Seriously ... Where are the American Girls and Cabbage Patch Kids?!
Emily's still traipsing around Rosewood and sees an abandoned Nate at the restaurant. Clearly, Jenna never showed. Thanks, Cece.
Hanna can't sleep and starts looking at that 1950s doll. She remembers what Mona kept saying and the code they once head. Emily and Spencer head over to Aria's (despite the near midnight hour, which upsets my mom). Hanna fills them in on how the code worked and Spencer's freakishly quick to realize, "No one to save Ali from evil" spells out "Not safe."
The other phrase -- about Maya and Garrett -- spells out a website:
www.masssugar.com (M.A.S. being Maya's initials, Emily explains.)
When they go to the site, they see a picture of Maya giving the Lindsay Lohan/Miley Cyrus peace sign with the text, "What's the magic word?" beneath the photo. Then, a pop up box comes up asking for the password, which no one knows. Aria wonders aloud: "Did she mean Maya wasn't safe or we're not?"
The only phrase they didn't decode, however? "Miss Aria, you're a killer, not Ezra's Wife," which translates to: "Maya knew." I'm intrigued, but also worried for Em.
In the black-gloved epilogue, we see A moving through the Children's Ward at Radley until s/he reaches the dolls Mona was playing with. The glove pops off one doll's head to reveal a recorder that has the entire Aria, Spencer and Hanna interaction in the basement on tape.
Okay. Now breathe. And it's okay if you peed your pants. This episode was so crazy and really yell-worthy (i.e. SCARY). My mom and I decide we're going to talk about people like this for a long time, if only we were smart enough to do so.
Quotes (were few and far between this episode, but most shockingly go to Aria)
"Who is he, where does he live and what is the hair situation?"- Aria
"Friends don't let friends sneak into insane asylum's alone."- Aria
"It's not like you shot a unicorn. You're helping your friend out."- Cece
"You gave tweezers to a mental patient."- Aria
"How many times did I tell you to lock your door, Spence? It's not the 1950s."- Toby
"I don't suppose crazy slipped you the password as well."- Spencer (she had to have one)