The battle rounds are finally winding down on "The Voice" (Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on NBC) and NBC seems just as sick of them as we are since they rushed through three battles on Tuesday's episode, including Beat Frequency and a rendition of Alex Clare's "Too Close" that could make ears bleed, which is proof there is a God.
But there were still some worthwhile performances mixed in there too, including a pair of 17 year olds, a Carly Rae Jepsen hit and a country showdown.
Liz Davis vs. Nicole Johnson
"Baggage Claim," Miranda Lambert
Liz is the young woman with the voice "as country as mud" and whom Cee Lo offered her ACM award and Nicole is the contestant who had Blake at "thang" and the rest of American at her adorable dimples and appreciation for her family's sacrifice by moving her to Nashville.
When the ladies enter the rehearsal room, they're greeted by Blake and Buble and the exciting/horrifying news that they'll be performing as song by Blake's wiiiiiife, Miranda Lambert. He says they need some attitude and a little bit of that "oh no you di'nt."
Chelsey: "It's a country affair up in hurr."
Jaimie: "Indeed. Let's chew on some straw, bitches."
Blake notes that Liz has been doing this for a while on a rough road, which he apparently views as a positive thing. Nicole is feeling like the underdog thanks to Liz's experience. Buble suggests they tear each others' eyes out. Oops. He means, "Good luck, y'all!"
Chelsey: "I don't understand why Nicole would be intimidated by Liz. She said she has more experience, but what I hear is, 'She's been trying to get famous for longer and it hasn't been happening.'"
At the final rehearsal, Blake warns Liz about her nasal sound affecting her diction and the editing makes it look like there are some serious bitch glares going on between her and Nicole. Doubtful, but moving on: Nicole has some pitch problems.
He wants them to bring that Miranda Lambert pissed-off-ness and if those glances, by some miracle, are not the result of good editing, that will not be a problem from Liz and Nicole.
Before they take the stage, Nicole expresses feeling pressure because of what her parents gave up for her career and Liz simply says she respects Nicole as a "person."
Chelsey: "She respects Nicole as a person? Bitch. It's like, 'I respect her as a person, but not an artist.'"
When they take the stage, they definitely take different approaches, but to us, they sound equally talented.
Chelsey: "So much twang up in here right now."
Jaimie: "I know.
(I kinda like this song.)
(I hadn't heard it before.)"
Christina says their performance was great and they both had strong voices.
Cee Lo takes a trip down memory lane, noting that he turned around for Nicole and doesn't really say much else. Adam says Liz and Nicole's voices are similar, but he thinks Nicole might have taken it.
Blake says Liz is more laid back on stage than he would've thought and he was surprised to here Nicole lose her breath. Really, he doesn't know what to do.
"Whenever you can, let us know," Carson sarcastically stays, marking the start of an impressively relevant episode for Mr. Daly.
But eventually, he goes with the more
weathered experienced country songstress, Liz.
We're very sad that Nicole is left without a team and clearly she is too as she breaks down off stage and recounts the event with statements like, "after Blake didn't want me ..." Blake follows her out to give her a hug, but it really seems to only make matters worse.
Chelsey: "Oh god nooooo"
Chelsey: "This is awful"
Chelsey: "This is the worst. Oy vey."
Jaimie: "Enter Blake. This is too much"
Chelsey: "That was brutal."
Really? Collin McLoughlin, but not Nicole Johnson. This is not right.
Alessandra Guercio vs. Kayla Nevarez
"Wide Awake," Katy Perry
It's the battle of the sweet 17 year olds and of the East and West coasts -- shout out to Biggie and Tupac. R.I.P. "Fame" high school student Alessandra Guercio has trained with the greats and looks well beyond her years. Kayla is doing this for her family, who's fallen on hard times financially since her father came down with a serious liver disease.
When they meet with Adam and Mary J. Blige for the first time Alessandra is verklempt, while Kayla turns on the sass, asking why Adam paired them together.
Jaimie: "I am not looking forward to more Kayla. Does that make me a bad person?"
Chelsey: "Really? I like her I think!"
Jaimie: "I thought she was obnoxious when it came to her deciding in the blinds"
Chelsey: "Yeah, that's true, when she said, 'We better win this.'"
Mary J. tells Alessandra she needs to stop thinking and not let her technique handicap her, while Adam praises Kayla's naturalness.
At the final rehearsal, Kayla gets knocked down a couple pegs when Adam tells her that she's sharp at one point in the chorus. She's take the criticism to heart going in to the battle.
Chelsey: "It's surprising this is a Team Adam battle and not Team X-Tina. Maybe X-Tina will steal the loser. Because if there's anything Team X-Tina needs, it's a teenage female pop singer."
Jaimie: "You're so right."
On the stage, Kayla and Alessandra are pretty evenly matched during the battle, but Kayla's voice does seem more unique and natural.
Cee Lo's digging it. We know this because he's doing a very interesting hand motion.
Jaimie: "Cee Lo, are you conducting an orchestra?"
Blake says he enjoyed Alessandra's raspy, gravely sound, but likes the sweet vibrato that Kayla has to offer. He thinks it was neck-and-neck. Christina appreciates the rasp in Alessandra's voice and seems to teeter over to the East Coast side of this battle.
Jaimie: "I feel like Nicole had the same nail polish color as Kayla."
Jaimie: "Apparently, they only had a few bottles #budgets."
Cee Lo says he likes the soft side of Kayla's voice, but thinks that's pretty much all she has to offer. He says Alessandra showed softer side and her ability to be aggressive so he's on the A Team. ("Pretty Little Liars" cannot come soon enough, people.)
Chelsey: "Cee Lo definitely keeps calling her Alexandra."
Adam says Alessandra's belief in wasn't strong enough, which made him sad, while Kayla's "we better win this" comment stuck in Adam's head and he reminds her to stay humble.
"I still have no idea who you're gonna pick," Carson a.k.a. the greek chorus says in his most helpful moment all season.
But Adam does choose and he goes with cocky Kayla. It's probably because of Alessandra's attire.
Chelsey: "I hate sleeveless turtlenecks."
Jaimie: "Who doesn't?"
Alessandra offers Adam some very heartfelt thanks and Christina chimes in to tell Alessandra she understands where she's coming from: Alessandra comes from intense training and Christina came from the same type of structure on the Mickey Mouse Club and she wanted to break free. (Apparently, that same bonding note didn't work with Tony Lucca.) Shockingly, she hits her steal button and Alessandra is overcome with joy.
"I did NOT see that come," Carson hilariously shouts.
Chelsey: "He's like the narrator no one wanted."
"No woman should feel not confidant on any level," Christina says before the two embrace tightly.
"That was so cool," Blake says of Christina's sneaky steal. We gotta agree.
Stolen: Alessandra, Team Christina
Emily Earle vs. MacKenzie Bourg
"Good Time," Owl City featuring Carly Ray Jepson
Team Cee Lo
We didn't officially meet Emily Earle during the blind auditions, but apparently she's a country singer. She also apparently sings in coffee shops (along with NYC subway stations), and we remember how many coffee shop performers there were last season.
Chelsey: "She's a coffee shop gal!"
Jaimie: "Season Two flashbacks."
Chelsey: "Yeah season 2 would have been her game. Season 3 is all about music teachers."
We did, of course, remember 19-year-old MacKenzie Bourg from the blinds, where we fell in love with this adorable creature. And the love affair continues as he meets his celeb mentor Rob Thomas, who apparently is one of MacKenzie's greatest inspirations. Ugh, classic precious MacKenzie, being inspired by Matchbox 20. He would. We love it.
Chelsey: "MacKenzie is nerding out, and it's adorable."
Jaimie: "YESSS. It is the best."
Cee Lo picks this top 40 jam for the two youngsters to highlight their youthful energy. Emily tries to duplicate CRJ's vocals (which we all know is a terrible, terrible mistake) and Cee Lo and RT tell her that she needs to stick to her own style and make it her own. MacKenzie is worried about performing without an instrument. What will he do with his hands!?
Jaimie: "Emily is wearing an owl necklace. She's so Raven."
Chelsey: "It's the future she can see!"
Jaimie: "Snap...they just called her Carly Rae Jepson...BURRRRRN."
Chelsey: "She's too young to be CRJ."
During the final rehearsals, MacKenzie tries to bust out his guitar and Cee Lo tells him nuh-uh. Emily continues to worry about the genre, and MacKenzie is still worried about performing without his instrument as they head into battle.
Jaimie: "There's lots of the 'I look like I have half a shaved head' hairstyle. Also, we will now be calling MacKenzie MacBourg."
Chelsey: "I want him to win soooo bad. I don't dislike Emily, I just love MacBourg."
The performance is kind of awkward but kind of awesome at the same time. They try to have fun with it, but it does feel a bit forced."
Jaimie: "She's made this country. This is so cute."
Chelsey: "MacKenzie also seems much more natch."
Jaimie: "Yeah, his performance quality is definitely better. Also, his family melts my heart."
Chelsey: "I know."
After some forced fist pumps of Emily and some happy jumping from MacBourg, the performance is over and we see MacKenzie's dad going absolutely nuts. The coadges are scared, we are ecstatic. MacKenzie adorably comments, "I love my family." OMG MacBourg, stop! It's too much. Just kidding. Never enough.
As Adam criticizes both singers for being awkward, MacKenzie's dad looks like he is about to take him out.
Jaimie: "HAHAHA. The dad."
Chelsey: "He looks like he's watching a baseball game."
Jaimie: "I imagine this is his approach to life."
Adam and Blake both go with Emily, but Christina says that MacKenzie was more fun to watch, so she goes with him. Woo X-Teens! Cee Lo explains that he can do more with MacKenzie, and that Emily seemed too uncomfortable. He goes with MacBourg! Yay!
The whole Bourg clan goes wild, as expected. They're gonna party!
Jaimie: "This is the best! More Bourgs!"
Chelsey: "NEVER TOO MANY BOURGS!"
Winner: MacKenzie Bourg
Ben Taub vs. Mycle Wastman
"Too Close," Alex Clare
Team Cee Lo
TBH, we didn't remember either of these guys when they were presented to us as the first of a series of three rushed blind auditions. Seriously, if we don't remember these people and you need to rush through battle rounds, isn't that a sign that there should be fewer team members?
Upon further Googling, we found that Ben Taub was rushed through in the blind auditions as well (poor guy), and Mycle Wastman sang "Let's Stay Together" in a funny hat. He turned around all of the male coadge's chairs, so it's no surprise that he beat out this "Ben" character.
Winner: Mycle Wastman
Adanna Duru vs. Michelle Brooks-Thompson
"Crazy In Love," Beyonce
So, we definitely didn't meet Adanna in the blinds, but Michelle was that chick whose husband was almost a pro football player and now she's giving her dream a shot. Adam made these two ladies sing Beyonce, which seems cruel (and also racist). Adam tells Adanna that she has a great career ahead (apparently she's only 15) but he gives it to Michelle. Touchdown, Brooks-Thompson!
Winner: Michelle Brooks-Thompson
Beat Frequency vs. Laura Vivas
"Poker Face," Lady Gaga
We were rushed through Laura Vivas during the blind rounds so we don't know much about her, but unfortunately we were NOT rushed through Beat Frequency, so we know that the duo's female half used to be a "sports dancer" and the male half thinks he is Pitbull. Battles with duos are so weird. Why do they even allow the duos anymore? Let's put an end to that.
Anyway, we are officially on board with Laura Vivas and her boustier as she is now responsible for ridding us of Beat Frequency. You go, girl!
Winner: Laura Vivas