03/18/2015 02:28 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

I Haven't Been This Despairing of Humanity Since About an Hour Ago


Boy, these news headlines have really done me in this time. There are moments in life when all the unsettling things going on in the world just finally get to you. You've been keeping it in for a long while, and doing really well for long stretches, but at some point you give in to despair. This was one of my longest periods of coasting along as if nothing in the news could get to me, and boy it felt good. But I finally caved, and have once again succumbed to a cycle of negativity.

And it's upsetting, because I had finally reached a good chunk of time where I wasn't letting anything get to me. I mean, I haven't been this despairing of humanity since about an hour ago.

What a blessed 57 minutes and 30 seconds it was, too. I focused on the importance of my loved ones in my life, realized I was grateful for good health and good friends. I tasted a perfectly ripe strawberry, and in a moment of clarity saw the truth of what is really important in life. I even realized that I had virtually no control over the random horrible things reported on a minute-by-minute basis by the news media, and that ultimately what the unrelenting diet of unsavory information was doing was making me feel powerless, stuck.

I even realized, deep down, that I was connected to every human being and every living thing on this planet.

Dang. It all seems like a lifetime ago, that hour.

It might have been some moron cutting me off in traffic, or a personality conflict with a co-worker or even just not getting enough sleep. But before I knew it, the news was on again and I was gulping down scandal and man's inhumanity to man like they were energy drinks that would get me through a week of long-haul trucking.

Oh, well. Maybe it's better this way. Bad news is the devil I know, after all, and warm feelings about the sheer wonder of existence get pretty old in the face of a pool of blood or some side-boob.

More of James Napoli's comedy content for the web can be found here.