09/25/2013 08:58 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

I Will Go Without Health Care Until I Am No Longer Able to Stand


It's been a long time since I've been able to afford a health plan, and God knows I have let a lot of potential health issues go during that time. I am not sure what might be wrong with me, or if I might be at risk for something debilitating that would have an effect on my ability to function normally.

But make no mistake. Even if I have to let my entire body deteriorate from conditions that might otherwise have been preventable; even if I am able to intuit something specific about whatever ailment might be causing me to be a candidate for the morgue; even if it might strike me as highly sensible to consult a physician who could forestall my impending expiration -- even then, I will stick to my guns. I have gone this long without health care, and I don't want any crazy, newfangled plan, affordable or otherwise, to interfere with my determination to remain in the deprived circumstances to which I have grown accustomed.

Yes, I will go without health care until I am no longer able to stand.

Do not attempt to stop me. I like not having health coverage. It keeps things interesting, gives life a sense of danger and unpredictability. Sometimes I will feel a twinge and worry that it could be something serious, but then I suck it up and move on. Other times I think I should just get a check-up, and enjoy that feeling of release one can only experience from getting a clean bill of health. But, I think it makes me a greater American to tough it out, and I don't think it's a stretch to say that anyone who can afford adequate health coverage is a bit of a wuss. I'm talking to you, wealthy members of Congress and the Senate!

So if you want to hang around and see if I might drop dead while you watch, feel free. I'll be here, waiting to die, constantly concerned about my health but doing nothing about it, just like I have done for years. I am certain some of you know exactly what I mean. And I know that you've gotten used to it, too. So, let's stay with what's familiar and let's stay strong. After all, you only barely live once.