10/12/2011 06:00 pm ET Updated Dec 12, 2011

Tea Party Launches Occupy Skid Row Movement

Fed up with what they see as a preponderance of unpleasant poor people controlling the national agenda, the Tea Party has countered the burgeoning Occupy Wall Street movement with its own series of radical protest groups called "Occupy Skid Row."

Already, hundreds of largely peaceful Tea Party Patriots have gathered in San Francisco's Tenderloin District, Seattle's Pioneer Square and impoverished areas of New York City and Los Angeles to bring their simple message to the American people: that the desperately poor, the homeless and those lacking even basic nutrition or medical attention simply do not care about what happens to the rest of the people in this country.

"All they care about is where their next meal is coming from, or whether or not the swelling in their feet and ankles might mean they could die of cardiac arrest at any moment," said one infuriated Tea Party protester. "For too long, we have let these moribund unfortunates make us feel like there is some sort of class inequality in the United States. It's time we stood up and said, "you sicken us!"

Police in riot gear descended upon one Occupy Skid Row faction in Portland Oregon's Old Town Chinatown when protesters insisted upon knocking the ladles out of the hands of volunteers who were attempting to dole out meals at a soup kitchen. Signs bearing such slogans as "Let Them Eat Cake" and "We Are the One Percent!" were seen falling to the ground in the ensuing melee.

"When will they get the message" asked one Occupy Skid Row participant, "that they have been at the very bottom rung of society doing whatever they please for far too long and now we want them out?"

The group's stated hope is that their movement will spread to cities nationwide and alert America to the fact that the "thin-cats" (as they are calling the underprivileged) need to be given a serious wake-up call.

Congress, already facing an embarrassingly low approval rating, has thrown its support behind the Occupy Skid Row movement. "What the hell," said one House member, "we've done a lot worse."

James Napoli is an author and humorist. More of his comedy content for the web can be found here.