03/24/2014 02:46 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

This 'Which A**hole From History Are You?' Online Quiz Isn't as Much Fun as the Others

I sure had a lot more fun when I played the online quizzes that let me know which Harry Potter character I was (Hagrid, which was awesome), or which character on Friends I am most like (I got Phoebe, somewhat disconcertingly), or which famous author shares my disposition (Kafka, though I was hoping for Dean Koontz). These are just a few of the endlessly amusing and diverting personality quizzes out there on the Internet, each one more enjoyable -- and revealing! -- than the next. I just can't get enough of them! And the best part is they turn out to be so accurate, it's just adorable. No wonder they take up two-thirds of my Facebook timeline!

So I guess it was my desire to make sure I took every single online personality quiz out there that led me to take a stab at "Which A**hole From History Are You?" I don't know what I was thinking. In retrospect, it started innocently enough.


But I was only kidding myself. I mean, what did I expect my innocent answers to the survey questions would yield? It's a "Which A**hole Are You?" test, after all. No matter what I answered, I would have ended up as Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, Caligula, Tomas de Torquemada, Pol Pot, Elizabeth Bathory or any of countless other bloodthirsty losers you might call to mind.

And to top it off, taking a test about one's similarity to a famous a**hole can really only mean that the inventory of personality traits you get in your result is not going to be all that admirable or uplifting.

If you must know, here was my test result:


So, I wouldn't recommend you find out which a**shole you are. It's really not as much fun as those other quizzes. But we can take heart in one thing: it won't make all those other quizzes go away. People will be posting them on Facebook until we run out of things to compare ourselves to -- and that will never happen!

More of James Napoli's comedy content for the Web can be found here.