01/24/2012 09:37 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Why God Allows Suffering Now Easier to Explain Than How to Get a Job on LinkedIn


New research reveals that LinkedIn, the business related social networking hub, has become so mysterious and labyrinthine in its purpose that it is now much simpler to explain why a caring God would allow suffering in the world than it is to describe how to find a job on the site.

Hans Willmore is the lead scientific investigator at Oslo's Neuroconnectivity Institute, where the studies comparing a subject's ability to explain LinkedIn with his or her ability to break down the complexities of an apparently indifferent universe began.

"In each test case," said Willmore, "theories on the inherent pain and misery of the human condition were more easily called upon by the participants than were any even vaguely convincing tips on how to make this networking site pay off."

"I am constantly getting invitations to join somebody's professional network on LinkedIn," says Peter Isaacson, a 38-year-old graphic designer from Morristown, N.J., who participated in the study. "I always accept the invitation and then I never hear anything again. But, now, if you were to ask me why there can be disease and poverty in a world watched over by a loving God, I might at least be able to bring up something about free will or a divine unknowable plan or something. And who knows? Just saying that might land me a job faster than adding another skill to my profile."

Test subject Laura DeMartino, 54, of Scottsdale, Ariz., echoes her East Coast counterpart's sentiment:

I get the weekly emails, and it's usually how someone has updated their profile or linked to an article in Businessweek or something. No one has ever offered me a job or even made an inquiry. It's frustrating to know that I can pull out of my butt a possibly workable theory about how Jesus was more concerned with spiritual healing than with physical healing to help explain human suffering, and yet I cannot advise my colleagues about how to use LinkedIn to improve their job prospects in a terrible economy.

"It might just be," adds researcher Willmore, "that God does not want us to find employment this way, and that this is part of the suffering and trials our higher power has in store for us. And yet, looked at from a different perspective, very rarely do users of LinkedIn post about what they had for dinner or how their house renovations are coming along."

This lack of crushing inanity so often found on Facebook, Willmore concluded, could very well be a reason to stick with the admittedly puzzling business networking platform. "Sure, you can't explain it," he says, "but the Lord works in mysterious ways."

James Napoli is an author and humorist. More of his comedy content for the web can be found here.