10/28/2013 05:23 pm ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

Do We Ever Stop Grieving?

I am about to start touring for my brand new book: How to Heal a Grieving Heart. I wrote the book with my good friend and colleague, Doreen Virtue. Interestingly enough, Doreen and I have wanted to collaborate on a book for many years, but our schedules have been beyond hectic and we never had the time to give it our hearts. But in perfect universal timing, one day Doreen was visiting my house and as I was showing her my spiritual library. She suddenly said, "We need to help people about grief!" I was shocked because only the day before I had a thought on writing something about grief, but was not sure which direction I should go. This was it! Doreen and I both had suffered significant losses in the previous year, so we wanted to write this book form our personal experience and what elements assisted us in our grieving process.

So, the first question we asked each other was: does anyone ever truly stop grieving? Our answer was, "No, we learn how to live with it." But there are methods and ways we can use to assist us in going through the process in a constructive way and in turn, make the experience a beneficial one of understanding and learning.

Loss is a part of life. Without change, we would not grow. Everything in the universe has a natural and distinct pattern of birth and death. By understanding grief and loss, we can better understand life and live it fully in the best way we can. Grief is the ending of one thing, but the beginning of something new. Whether it be a heart-wrenching death, a divorce, getting older, the end of a job, or a major change in life, all bring with it opportunities for growth and perhaps a new way of achieving what we want most in life.

Of course my specialty is communication with so-called "dead people," so that is where I speak from, but all grief is valid and real. Grief is a mixture of many emotions; and none of us grieve in the same way. One day we are happy and the next day we break down. Nothing I can say will change the fact that your loved one is no longer with you in a physical way. Please never think you need to not cry or "get over it" because that doesn't happen. You must honor the person or the experience and gently take good care of yourself. Do things which feed your soul and heart. Perhaps start new projects like gardening or art. Whatever opens you up to feeling better with yourself. One of the most important things you need to realize is that no one needs to go through grief alone. You may feel alone or that you are in your own world, but this is far from the truth. There are many people in your life who want nothing more than to listen to you and share. You never know what someone will say which might be the perfect words for you to hear at this time. Open up the possibility to share your feelings with others. And the perfect words to help someone who is grieving is to say, "I am here for you."

Being part of this "human experience," or as I say, "classroom earth," is not easy. Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult human lessons to learn. Losing someone presents us with challenges and hurt. But, we must step back and look at this experience as a lesson for our soul. Because in reality, we are souls having human experiences not the other way around. We have to go through the pain in order to grow. The pain does not define us -- it is just validation of our love.

I believe that we souls learn something significant from all of our experiences, no matter how grand or small. Each experience changes us. When someone in your life transitions to a spiritual form, they never go without leaving gifts behind. What gifts have you received from them? How is your life going to be better from meeting them? Through grief we learn, we grow, we live. Life is for living. It always changes and becomes something else. Because we are souls, life and learning never end, and just like the caterpillar, we transform into butterflies to soar to new heights.

My healing thoughts are with you,