"When people see some things as beautiful,
other things become ugly.
When people see some things as good,
other things become bad."
~Lao Tzu
I don't know about you (although I could make a guess), but I have super powers -- an innate ability, a real knack for the "miserable." I have the power to be in a bliss state, and in a New York minute, I can and do turn supreme happiness on its ear.
I have, built within me, a machine that bends, twists and morphs true delight and cheery into despondent, dejected and down. I call it the JEM machine.
JEM: Judgment + Expectations = Miserable
Just this morning, I woke up with a smile on my face, humming a happy tune. I poured myself a cup of coffee, and started to think about our new home, which I initially loved.
Thinking was my first misstep. As they say, "What was she thinking?" In this case, "Why was she thinking?" And... Did you pick up on the "initially?"
My mind continued to spin JEM thoughts.
But now -- "it seems a tad small, and what about the view, or lack thereof? I expected the closets to hold more."
After I created a bucket-load of unhappy pointed at my external life, I looked in the mirror, which one should never do first thing in the morning, and started to send mixed messages to myself about the state of my face. "You look good... for your age. Not too many lines. Your jowls don't need to be lifted, yet." I am telling you, my "deflating" abilities are off the charts.
It's one thing to judge thyself, but what about the myriad of folks who cross our path each and every day? Ideally, it would be helpful to see people as souls fulfilling their life missions rather than disordered personalities. It would be good to remember that our judgment is based on that which lives outside of our conscious understanding and is merely a reflection of what we perceive as our own lacking.
Oh, if only I were that enlightened; if only I were filled with compassion, understanding, loving-kindness, awareness and insight every moment of the day. Alas, I am merely an evolving human being.
Misery On Board. My JEM machine seems to work better than my vital organs!
We are judging machines. From the moment we get out of bed and pour that first cup of coffee (or the hot equivalent), the judgment begins. "This coffee is sublime." Or, "The coffee isn't strong or hot enough."
And how about those expectations? Even when we think we do not have expectations, we do.
What to do? Should we stick our head in the sand and allow our minds to continue to spin webs of unhappy? I vote "no."
Awareness is our first step. As we become aware of our judging thoughts, let's practice "It Just Is."
Want to participate in an experiment? Instead of labeling things as "good" or "bad," instead of judging every little thing, how about we simply say, "it just is."
The number on the scale -- "it just is." Your breakfast -- "it just is." The country's state of affairs -- "it just is." (Oh boy, that's a hard one. I may have to pull the duct tape out and seal my mouth and mind shut). It's neither "good" nor "bad"; "it just is."
If things are neither good nor bad; if things "just are," you can alleviate the push n' pull, the ups n' downs of good vs. bad.
"It just is" is a place of balance. In this place of balance you can learn "acceptance," and you will see things in an entirely new light, and with it, your expectations will dissipate into thin air! (Thin translating to good for many. J )
Try "it just is" on for size and see what could happen!
Janice Taylor, Life and Wellness Coach, Anti-Gravity Expert
www.OurLadyofWeightLoss.com
This blog post is part of a series for HuffPost Moments Not Milestones, entitled 'The Moment I Stopped Being Perfect.' To see all the other posts in the series, click here.