They say practice makes perfect.
Practice hitting baseball after baseball and you're sure to raise your batting average. Play the guitar everyday for 25 years and you're destined, if nothing else, to entertain family and friends at barbeques and campfires. The more you whisk yolks at the proper temperature for that brilliant Hollandaise sauce, the less likely you'll end up with scrambled eggs.
So, what about sex?
It would follow logically that by the time you reach the half-century mark -- if you've engaged in sexual activities since your teens, like I have -- you should be an expert at sex. Right? Well, most of us would be, if aging and gravity didn't step in to trip us up.
It's bad enough that as women enter menopause some of us suffer from hot flashes, vaginal dryness and lack of sexual desire. But then we are faced with gravity. And this force has a mind of its own, pulling on us, whether we like it or not. Just as the terrain of the earth shifts due to forces of nature, gravity can even move our G-spot several inches from where it used to be.
As we get older, sex doesn't have to stop. It just changes. It may even get better. It's all in how we approach it.
In our 20s we are finding our place in the world and our sexuality is part of that discovery. Firm on the outside, juicy on the inside, sex is right up there at the top of our "to do" list, anywhere, anytime, anyplace.
As we grow older we know what we want sexually. From conversations I've had with my single friends, I've discovered that the bigger problem lies in knowing what you don't want: Your partner seeing the more obvious effects of gravity. A roll around your middle. Saggy boobs. Wrinkles where the sun don't shine. The fact that the drapes don't match the carpet. But tell me? What man in his 40s or 50s isn't showing these same effects? Gravity may even be keeping him from getting hard in the first place. And unlike our hidden G-spot, it's right out there in the open.
During our 30s and 40s, what with midnight feedings, carpools, play dates, work, laundry, grocery shopping, recitals, Little League and everything in between, we often find ourselves wanting sex, but are just too darn tired. Still, we find the time and hopefully, can stay awake. I've been known to fall asleep occasionally. I then had to convince my husband that it wasn't him, but me. My date with "exhaustion" arrived while he was getting ready for the party.
A Nice-Cup-Of-Tea Sex:
And then we pass into the "Empty Nest Sex" phase. Now we can once again do it anywhere in the house without being caught. But at this point that nice soft bed is more appealing than the kitchen table. Intimate moments, cuddling, and watching TV rank up there with those hot, heavy, up-against-the wall days.
Seriously Old Sex:
And what's next? I'm not sure. My 80-something mother told me that up until just a few years ago, she and my dad had a "date" every Sunday night. They started with a shrimp cocktail and then headed into the bedroom. At that point in her story, I covered my ears. I mean, at any age, who wants to hear about their parents' sex lives?
My point is, like everything else in a relationship, sex evolves as we grow older. In our later years, we may not hop around like bunnies but even a tortoise likes to make love every now and then.
So, now if you'll excuse me, my husband is waiting. I don't want to be late for practice.