Late at night when I should be sleeping, but instead I am trying to rack up $150 in product purchases to qualify for Neiman Marcus's Gift with Purchase, I wonder if there could be a support group for addicts like myself. Then again, it would probably do more harm than good. I can see it now...
Instead of the typical smoke-filled room, (second-hand smoke is detrimental to the skin) the air is thick with a strong mix of Jo Malone, Bond No. 9, and Marc Jacobs perfumes. The beauty addicts fumble through their bags for their Guerlain compacts and Chanel glosses, trying to distract themselves from asking the addict next to them what kind of skincare she's using.
The first addict makes her way to the podium, leaving the other addicts murmuring about the wafts of detectable Oribe hair products she left in her wake. Twisting flat strands of her recently blown out hair, the woman says, "Hi, I'm Jane. I am a beauty addict."
The room chants together, "Hi Jane."
"I have been an addict since I first watched my mother apply lipstick..."
No one is really paying attention. They are silently deconstructing Jane's product regimen, stumped on whether her cheeks are flushed from Tarte Cheek Tint or NARS Orgasm.
"I've always spent a lot on beauty products, but lately it's gotten to be a real problem," she pauses, staring at the girl in the front row. "Nice gloss. Dior Addict Fairy Pink?"
The gloss girl nods approvingly. Jane continues, "Things have gotten so bad lately I can't afford to pay my bills to keep up with my La Mer habit."
She gets looks of empathy from the crowd. One woman in the back row shouts out, "You shouldn't waste your money on La Mer. It's basically mineral oil with a few other ingredients mixed in."
A few ladies shout out, "No judgments! No judgments!"
Jane waits for everyone to quiet down before continuing... "I was in Barney's the other day, looking to buy my boyfriend a Kiehl's gift basket for his birthday and I found myself helpless at the Chantecaille counter. The saleswoman insisted on showing me their new spring line. Instead of buying my boyfriend a gift, I ended up purchasing every single item in the collection just so I could get the gift with purchase!"
Jane breaks down in tears, shamed by the memories of her gluttony, and returns to her seat. Addicts from every angle hand her tissues, blotting film, concealer, mascara, and pressed powder. Dior Addict Fairy Pink gloss girl from the front row raises her hand. "Excuse me, but I have a question for Jane." Jane slowly raises her eyes from her compact...
Gloss girl shamelessly asks, "What do you think of the new Chantecaille shadows? I've heard mixed reviews..."