06/13/2007 12:43 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Media's Plan To Make Political Coverage Inescapable Slowly Coming To Fruition

Imagine what the world would be like if, say, the vagaries of John Edwards' plan for universal health care were covered with the intensity, volume, and constancy of the way the cable news networks covered the Anna Nicole Smith saga. I know! I'd totally shove sharpened chopsticks into my eyes and ears, too!

Yet, with each passing day, we get closer and closer to the grim dystopia that is political content without end or relief. People criticize certain Democratic candidates for choosing to not participate in the Congressional Black Caucus-sponsored debate on Fox, but given the fact that we'll have to endure approximately 2,312 of those things between now and the New Hampshire primary, their refusal to participate may be the clearest sign that a candidate exists who actually likes the American people, and doesn't just want to torture us like a mid-season 24 plot device.

The creep toward total domination took a couple of important steps this week. In the first, the USA Today and ABC News have announced a partnership against which resistance is sure to be futile. From the press release:

USA Today and ABC News announced today an unprecedented content-sharing partnership to provide expanded coverage of the 2008 election. In the midst of one of the most historic elections in U.S. history, ABC News and USA Today will join forces in a unique and innovative agreement that will enhance both organizations' coverage of all aspects of the political process.

Jeezum crow! "Expanded" coverage? Like, say, the way a noxious gas expands? And, really, how many times will we have to hear that whatever election we're facing is "one of the most historic elections in US history?" Could we double check that? Because I am dying for "an election more or less devoid of any semblance of historical importance." You the one Dukakis ran in?

Additionally, there will be no respite for insomniacs, as their official screensaver, C-SPAN, is also getting into the ramped-up political coverage act:

Political junkies craving a more intimate look at the 2008 presidential race can now turn to C-SPAN's "Campaign 2008 Tonight," a new block of political programming launched today as the most competitive campaign in recent history continues to intensify.

That's the key difference between "political" junkies and "heroin" junkies, by the way: the latter don't crave intimacy. And, Holy Diver, will you get a look at that "most competitive campaign in recent history" line? Are all these press releases written by the same implacable force of evil?

Anyway, I'd guess we're at about five to midnight on CNN finding a way to beam Blitzer directly into our dreams.