05/18/2015 11:07 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

5 Things Baby Boomers Miss Most Part 5

5 Things Baby Boomers Miss Most - Part 5


Baby Boomers,

Today, as promised, I bring you the final episode of my five-part series where we've talked about those thing we took for granted in our youth that we miss and wish we could have back now.

To recap, thus far, the four that baby boomers miss the most are:

1. Playing competitive sports
2. Having the eyesight of a young person
3. Drinking without lasting side effects
4. Eating your favorite foods

Today's thing that I will talk about will probably be the "hardest" of the five to discuss.

I am "hard-headed" yet "firm" believer in maintaining the most "rigid" standards of writing quality and I have always"held" myself to "hardened" and "unbending" principles on dispensing only "upstanding" and "elevated" levels of content that is then "exposed" to my followers.

After today, you will probably no longer believe that about me.

But I beg of you to remain "hard and fast" in your convictions and keep a "stiff" upper lip and see this blog through to it's "climax."

Any idea what the fifth "thingy" I miss the most from my youth is?

Well, as embarrassing as it is to admit, the fifth thing I miss the most from my youth is "morning wood."

That's right, I said it aloud.

The "erection," "boner,""stiffy," "chubby," "woody" or whatever you call it that I used to get all the time when I was younger.

But it's true. I have come to notice over the past few years that my "little dancing friend" doesn't show up as often in the mornings.

As a youngster, I grew accustomed to lying in bed a few extra minutes waiting for the blood to rush back to my "other" head. Now, not so much.

I really miss this.

The morning erection, or as the scientific community refers to it "nocturnal penile tumescence" has always "stood" as a "big" symbol of my manhood.

My research shows that I am definitely not the only man concerned about it. But, my objective here today is not to construct a complete scientific explanation of the physical and psychological causes of this phenomenon. There have been plenty of expert and not-so-expert studies on why men experience erections when they wake but nothing conclusive has yet to be proven.

Some researchers say it is caused by having a full bladder and the dire need to urinate after a long night sleep. That makes sense.

Since I often find myself doing the "nighttime tango" multiple times during the night, it's only logical that I wouldn't wake up erect with a penis full of pee pee.

Other's seem to think that men experience a series of multiple nighttime erections due to vivid, lifelike dreams and that we wake up "standing tall "b on the tail end of one of those dreams.

I can relate to this, too.

In my younger days, I had re-occurring dreams that were incredibly animated, graphic and sexy.

I would often find myself floating effortlessly; face up on a smooth flowing stream under a canopy of naked women. Kind of like the erotic dream sequence in the classic movie "The Big Lebowski."

Or at other times my dreams involved large groups of nubile participants on beaches or warm pastures frolicking with each other in pairs and triplets and groups.

And these dreams involved friends and neighbors and women I met on the street and my high school math teacher, Ms. French.

But I digress. I don't think my dreams nowadays are as provocative. Unfortunately, most of the time I am dreaming about work, things I need to do or the next day's blog topic.

However, I can tell you that "morning wood" is perfectly normal, natural and common throughout the male kingdom.

If you are not experiencing it on a regular basis anymore, there are hundreds of expert and scientific websites with intricate explanations of how and why the issue arises for you to research if you are interested.

My goal today is just to point out the angst I feel because this is no longer a daily event. My "morning wood" was like an old friend.

I really do miss it and even more than I miss the other four "things" we discussed earlier in my blogs.

It is unfortunate that we have all taken these "things" for granted in our youth.

I don't know about you, but I hate the fact that I have to grow physically old. There's no stopping it.

So, why not fight to keep what you got and enjoy every minute like it's your last?

I pose this challenge to each and every Baby Boomer that is reading this blog: Tomorrow, we should all throw away our reading glasses, get drunk and play some baseball, football or something; eat a couple of hot dogs loaded with chili and onions and cucumbers; and go to bed dreaming about having sex with Sophia Vergara (for the women, that would be George Clooney or Brad Pitt).

The hell with missing things from our youth.

Hopefully, tomorrow morning the sun will rise right along with your "morning wood."