01/20/2012 10:43 am ET Updated Mar 19, 2012

Condoms for Corporations?

Here's a thought, now that the Citizens United ruling affirms corporate personhood, and the leading Republican of the litter declares that "corporations are people, too," why hasn't some enterprising free marketeer come up with condoms for corporations?

Sounds like a joke, right? Look at this headline from the Associated Press, "Porn industry mulls leaving L.A. if condoms required.

Yes, you read right. An entire industry would rather pull themselves up by their roots, so to speak, than have to endure birth control.

Try to wrap your head around the idea of a Trojan big enough for AIG, or Enron, or Citibank, or the Dow Jones Industrial.

Of course, the evangelical fringe which now dominates the Republican party would never hear of birth control for major industries. Instead, they would like to lament the proliferation of public service jobs while applying the Old Testament maxim, "Be fruitful and multiply" to Madison Avenue. It doesn't work that way, fellas. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

At the next Republican debate which, if memory serves, will be Thursday night in South Carolina, one of the hosts ought to ask candidate Romney how he feels about contraception for corporations. After all, if "corporations are people, too" they should be entitled to family planning options. And, more importantly, they should be criminally liable for fraud.

Think about this, requiring companies to use contraception will give a whole new meaning to the phrase "Occupy Wall Street."