04/12/2013 01:53 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

A Recipe For How to Raise a Perfect Child

There's been waaaaaaay too much talk of bad dudes in the news lately. It's got me thinking about what goes into making a perfect person, about what ingredients we need to have in our parental pantries, if you will, to help us raise a great child. Here's a lighthearted something to offset the negative, if only a teensy bit.

Perfection is, in many cases, a surprisingly relative term. But not here. I'm not including subjective perfect hobbies (European Football vs. NASCAR or any band at all vs. Nickelback, for example) because to each his own, ya know? Instead, this is the core stuff, the ingredients that really matter in the end and, way more importantly, really matter all throughout one's life.

Inspired by Harry Connick Jr's "Recipe For Love," a song I had absolutely no business knowing the words to as a very innocent 12-year-old boy, here is the recipe for raising a perfect child:

2 cups of love
1 1/2 cup of kindness
1 cup of passion
3/4 cup of wit
1/2 cup of laughter
1/2 cup of gratitude
1/3 cup of wonder
1/3 cup of curiosity
1/4 cup of tolerance
1/4 cup of courage
3 tbsp of trust
1 tbsp of cynicism
1/2 tsp of fear
5 smiles (fresh)
Hugs & Kisses as needed

Instructions: Combine everything, stir, let bake for as long as you can. Keep an eye on it forever and keep as close as possible for as long as possible. But know that at an unspecified time, you'll need to let others enjoy what you've made. This might hurt, but it's OK.

Sprinkle in hugs and kisses liberally.


A slightly different version of this recipe first appeared on Jeff's site Out With The Kids.