THE BLOG
01/22/2016 11:20 am ET Updated Jan 22, 2017

CIA Wants Palin To Teach 'Vocal Encryption'

Multiple sources have now confirmed efforts by the CIA to hire Sarah Palin as a national security advisor.

"Her role," according to one insider, "will be to train a new generation of 'code talkers' who can transmit vital intelligence information in short sentences that are totally undecipherable to anyone who may be eavesdropping on the conversation."

Rumors of the agency's interest in hiring Palin have circulated for years and her speech endorsing Donald Trump apparently ended all doubts about her value to the US war on terror.

"It's awesome to hear the chatter out there in the field," said another high-ranking official. "All the bad guys are totally baffled, especially by that part about 'right-wingin', bitter-clingin' proud clingers.' You can practically hear their brains melting as they try to figure out a translation."

A government linguistics expert who spoke on condition of anonymity said, "This could be history-making. She's perfected a form of vocal encryption, like a human version of the Enigma machine from World War Two. And she also has the ability to change codes in mid-sentence."

There has been no official statement on when Palin may officially join 'The Company' but secret contract negotiations are said to be in progress.

"It's tricky situation," says a former agent. "The way Palin is accustomed to communicating, it could take a considerable amount of time and effort just to elicit a simple 'yes' or 'no.'"