02/24/2014 10:31 am ET Updated Apr 26, 2014

IOC Awards All Future Olympics to Disneyland

The Olympic flame in Sochi had barely flickered out when the IOC made a stunning, surprise announcement that all future games after 2024, winter and summer, will be held at the Disneyland Resort in Anaheim.

"The Games are supposed to bring people of the world together in peace and happiness," said IOC President Thomas Bach, "and Disneyland has always called itself 'the happiest place on Earth' so it makes perfect sense. They also sent us a check that made every member of the committee really, incredibly happy."

"This will end all the hassle and controversy that goes with the host-selection process," said an AP reporter with close ties to Olympic insiders. "No more worrying about construction falling behind or other PR headaches. Disney has the tourist infrastructure, the design know-how, all the production skills you could ask for. Merchandising is a snap for them. The media coverage will be awesome since they've got ABC, ESPN and cable channels up the wazoo. They'll be able to beam live wall-to-wall coverage into every mansion, motel room and mud hut from here to East Oblivion."

Disney officials are said to be preparing new designs for the Olympic logo that will incorporate the five interlocking rings into an abstract panorama of the five original themed areas of Tomorrowland, Frontierland, Adventureland, Fantasyland and Main Street USA.

When asked about the practicality of holding winter sports competition in a semi-tropical climate, one member of the US Olympic Committee who did not want to be identified said everything would be fine. "Disney has been operating a fake Matterhorn in the heart of Orange County for more than sixty years," he pointed out. "These people know how to talk the walk and chew their gum at the same time. Heck, they could stage the Olympics on the moon if we asked them to. And maybe we will someday!"