02/09/2012 01:38 pm ET Updated Apr 09, 2012

Things I Could Do Before I Had Children

I had a makeover last night with some of my girl friends. We got our hair styled and we got our make up done and then we went out for dinner.

Sitting in the chair at the salon, the stylist noted that my hair is "cute." She said, "Do you always wear it so ... flippy?" Why yes I do, I thought flippy was in. Is it not? She said, "It's OK, we can tone it down a bit with the straightening iron." Then, she proceeded to straighten the sh*t out of my hair and make it smoke (literally). When she was done, she said, "There. Now you don't look so much like a mom!"

The makeup artist was not as diplomatic. She said, "I'm going to have to do something about your brows." Oh yeah, I need to get them waxed. "Yes, you do. Soon. I'll do what I can. In the meantime, let's draw attention to your eyes so the brows don't stand out so much." I told her to break out a new bottle of concealer, because I was gonna need it. She chuckled, but didn't argue with me.

As I sat there in the chair having all my wrinkled badges of motherhood covered up with flesh colored putty, I started making a mental list in my head of all the things I used to do before I had kids. Things like waxing my eyebrows (and my bikini area), wearing more than one color of eye shadow and picking clothes without first checking the tag to make sure something was washable with no ironing required.

Here's the list I came up. I'm sure you can add to it:

Disclaimer: Before you start commenting that I don't love being a mom, that I don't appreciate the time I have with my kids, that it's "sad" I feel this way, blah, blah, blah... That's not true, so thank you very much for your opinion, but all of this is mine.


A version of this blog post originally appeared on People I Want To Punch In The Throat.