02/28/2014 10:19 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Victoria's Secret, You Get Me

Oh, Victoria...

You really do know my secret.

You know what I like to wear when I curl up with a good book...


...and my habit of packing too much in my suitcases, forcing me to smash them closed by sitting on them.


You know exactly how I like to break in a new pair of Chucks when I get them...


...and how my navel is my third eye and needs to see.


But what really makes me feel like you know me, is how you seem to take personal snapshots of how I am in my bedroom and put them on the page. You know the secret, dirty things that women do when they are alone and know no one is watching... the things we don't ever admit to doing -- like digging crust out from under our big toenail, or squeezing that weird zit we found under our left boob... or how when we put on a nice underwire bra, we just can't help but run our fingers through our hair...

...and make the duck face.


Victoria, you know me all too well.

*Let it be known that I receive the Victoria's Secret catalogue in the mail religiously. What can I say? I'm a sucker for good fiction.
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