I was sitting in a coffee shop in Burbank, California the other day with my friend and colleague, Jess Weiner.* You might know Jess from her work with body image, self-esteem, or from one of her multitude of other talents! What you might not know is that she is my longtime mentor and, in my opinion, she is a relationship expert as well. That day, I was telling Jess about a guy I had just started dating. He had made it past my eight-day record for length of time dating someone, which made him quite different.
I even told Jess, "He is not anything like other guys," and continued, "Everything is great, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop."
Jess immediately passed along some wise words from her father (I hope to get this right, Jess). She said something like, "Maybe nice guys only have one shoe."
Well, this nice guy, Ben, actually wears a shoe on each foot (making that two!), but maybe, metaphorically speaking, he only has one.
In a blog entry prior to this one ("Maybe I'm Not So Bad at Dating"), I wrote, "I hope to tell you about guys I really like and who have the potential of something long-term," as opposed to my constantly humorous dating stories about men with no real staying power. (i.e. There was the guy who asked me to call a gas station for a dinner recommendation after sending me over 100 photos of himself that overloaded my email system --- before we had ever met. There are the endless stories of men without jobs, running cars, working phones, or who permanently live with their parents.) I must stop there, because this blog entry is not about them. This piece is devoted to all of the nice guys out there. And, yes, ladies, they are out there.
Unlike what you might think and what I used to think, nice guys are not boring, co-dependent, or cheesy. They are actually, well, nice, and it is nice to be around them. I am kind of getting used to honest conversations, sweet text messages, vulnerability, flowers, and just being real. In the beginning, all of this niceness was a bit hard to take. As someone who was used to choosing bad boys who provoked high anxiety, a guy who didn't create that familiar feeling actually caused a unique discomfort all of its own. Only this feeling seemed worse at times, because it was so unfamiliar and just plain weird. I've learned from life experience that sometimes weird is good, so I'm staying the course.
From time to time, I still find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop with Ben, but maybe Jess's dad is right. Maybe he only has one shoe. I'll keep you posted on his shoes, but, to respect Ben's privacy as well as my own, I am not just going to write about him on this blog. (It takes a special man to be with a woman who is writing a dating blog!) I am also going to write more about past dating experiences and things that I have learned over the years --- from my first kiss at age fifteen to my broken wedding engagement at twenty-eight and more. Stay tuned! As always, please share your thoughts, comments, etc. I am learning a lot from you here.
With a Nice Guy in Music City,
* To learn more about Jess, please visit http://www.jessweiner.com/
This piece is in a series I am posting related to dating. You will also find this series on my Facebook Notes page. (There are already some great comments posted on Facebook from others!) If you have dated me and you are reading this, thanks for being a part of my experience. This is all in good fun! I am grateful.