THE BLOG
03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Shopping At Home: Life After An Eating Disorder

After Ed (aka "eating disorder") and I broke up, I have to admit that I splurged a little. I am not usually much of a shopper, but I was so excited about my life without Ed that I wanted to explore some new things. I was surprised to find that I didn't have to go too far. In fact, what I wanted was already in my very own home, so I went shopping without even walking out of my front door! (You save a lot of money this way.)

I found my coffee maker. When Ed and I were together, I never had time to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee. I am embarrassed to say that my mom once found an old, moldy coffee filter left behind in my coffee pot from when she and my dad had visited a year before. I hadn't used the coffee pot since then. There never seemed to be any time for those kinds of extras --- for a "luxury" like coffee. The same thing went for my toaster. I never had time to use it either, or at least, Ed said that I never had time. Who has time to sit around and wait a whole minute for a piece of bread to toast? Today, I do! And I have time to relax with a cup of coffee, too. (Mom, you will be happy to know that you won't find mold in my coffee pot these days.)

Outside of my kitchen, I found candles and incense on my shopping trip. I had bought them years earlier with the intention of using them to help me to relax, but I never could sit still quite long enough. I also found lots of books about mediation and spirituality that had never been cracked open. I found even more CDs that had never been listened to. Living in Music City, U.S.A., people are constantly giving me great CDs.

Without Ed, I finally have time for music, books, candles and more. I am finally splurging on life, and it didn't take any money. All it took is looking at my world through my new, recovered eyes. I like what I see. What I see is really not my coffee maker, toaster, or even the pretty candles. What I see is a change in me. I see an attitude of gratitude and a willingness to let joy into my life. What do you see when you look around? Even more importantly, what do you see when you look inside? Maybe it's time for you to go shopping.