09/22/2014 04:40 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

How to Break Patterns in Relationships

Photography credit Eric Yagoda

Learning to take care of ourselves is one of our biggest lessons. For so long we put ourselves last, or we didn't honor and respect ourselves, and we were living in fear without even knowing it -- fear of upsetting others, fear of taking up too much space in the world, fear of not being good enough.

Now this all changes.

This week, my clients and readers are experiencing profound insights around the ways in which they've been holding themselves back by not taking care of themselves. They are seeing the ways in which their relationships provide the perfect opportunities to honor themselves more and shift out of old patterns. And they are experiencing new doors opening as they show up for themselves in their relationships.

A truth that I've discovered through witnessing others and personally experiencing this process is that we must show up in our relationships, making choices that serve our highest good and speaking courageously from our heart, before we can powerfully show up in the larger world in our life's purpose and truly experience the miraculous support from the universe.

These relationship assignments have been given to us for this very purpose -- so that we may step into our power, live more authentically, aligned with our true self, and break free from the old small ego self that kept us in fear. We were always meant to save ourselves and no one was meant to do that for us because we wanted to learn and grow when our soul chose to come into this human experience.

The relationships in our lives are spiritual assignments that provide the opportunities to make choices that will empower us rather than keep us stuck in old patterns. It could look like creating boundaries, being okay with upsetting others rather than pleasing everyone, or doing what's best for us with the faith and trust that everything will unfold in the highest way from that place. It's all lesson in learning how to take care of ourselves. We are given these relationships to mirror back to us where we are lacking self-love and self-worth, where we need to step up for ourselves, believe in ourselves and close the trust gap with the universe. Where are we settling? Where are we ignoring our own intuition? Are we focusing all of our energy on the other person rather than on ourselves and what we feel?

Everything is designed for us to learn our true power and ability to co-create with a benevolent universe that is constantly, in every single moment, conspiring for our highest good. The purpose of this human experience as the spiritual beings that we inherently are is to discover this truth and begin to change our lives with it.

Every moment we feel upset, triggered, fearful or disempowered is a moment that has been brought to us so that we may finally release the thought or limiting belief that created it, perpetuating itself through the pattern in which it's showing up in our lives. Once a lesson is learned it will no longer appear for us. The more we learn through our experiences, the less painful the lessons and challenges get. Sometimes along the way after learning more, we will have even bigger challenges but with less pain because we've evolved beyond the illusion that we're the victim of anything but instead here to learn and grow in every moment. We are playing an active role with every thought, action and intention. There are no idle thoughts; there are no neutral thoughts. We are either aligned with love or we are not. The more we take care of ourselves, save ourselves, spiritually grow up and step into our power, the easier life gets. We were always meant to discover our freedom and this is the way in which we return to our natural state of love, heal our relationships, and step onto our highest path and life's purpose doing what we love in the world.

We ask for guidance in our daily spiritual practice and we listen in meditation. Your body always knows the answers and they will feel clear and calm. What also happens is the ego's voice might want to rush in so that it can stay in charge; hints that the ego is present -- it speaks in should's, doubts, and fears. Your initial feelings and answers were real. Trust those.

After you've gone within and connected to your guidance and answers you can move out into your life and relationships, with heart-centered conversations and make decisions that empower you. This gradual process of learning to listen to yourself and trust yourself creates subtle shifts that add up to massive changes. It's a step-by-step process in which we reconnect to our truth within, searching less for answers on the outside which only caused more confusion, but instead finding our clarity within and moving out into the world from that clear, strong place.

If you know there's more and you're ready to get to the next level, create a life you love from the inside out and download your *free* copy of The Happiness Blueprint.