10/13/2014 12:34 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Being More Assertive

Photography credit Eric Yagoda

This week I'm witnessing many of my clients and readers experiencing a need to be more assertive rather than stay stuck in the old pattern of being "too nice," in which they felt taken advantage of, weren't speaking up for themselves or were afraid of upsetting others.

Certain situations are triggering them to ask, what would love do?

Love does not allow ourselves to be taken advantage of; love creates healthy boundaries, knows when to say no, and is staying present to what serves our highest good and what does not. Love isn't weak or confused; love is strong and clear.

When we are breaking out of old patterns, spot-checking our thoughts and behaviors helps us to see if we're acting from fear or from love. If we are unclear about what our best choice is in a situation, we can weigh our options by seeing if the motivation would be coming from old fears or from a place of love and clarity.

When we are naturally sensitive to other people's needs and energies and we have a lot to give and want others to be happy, the lines can get blurred around doing what's best for us and doing what we think others want us to do. But we were never meant to compromise our own needs and to not take care of ourselves. In fact, we are not responsible for other people's happiness or their thoughts or opinions. We are only responsible for our own experience and how we show up and we must take care of ourselves before we can take care of anyone else.

When we begin to get more connected with ourselves and in a space of love rather than being stuck in our head with all the ego's stories, we cultivate higher levels of self-trust and self-acceptance which builds confidence. We are more present to how we're feeling and when we're communicating with others we can observe how they're behaving but let them own their feelings rather than letting them put it on us or getting hooked into their fear when they might be projecting it onto us with their own opinions or limiting beliefs. We might be making different choices from them, or we might be making choices that they don't agree with, or they want us to be in a box that they can understand but we don't have to take on their stuff. It's important that we honor and trust ourselves and what's best for us so that we lead by example and when others are ready, they can come along for the ride when they see how life can have so much more ease and grace.

Where are you not standing in your power?

When we are living in the ego and the old limiting stories and ideas in our head that kept us stuck and feeling like a victim, we let life happen to us and we let outside voices and an outside force determine our reality. But we can create our own reality rather than let other people create it for us.

Stand up for your desires, stand up for your ideas, stand up for your truth by courageously speaking from your heart so you can reclaim your power rather than be at whim of everyone else's thoughts and judgments. Taking command of your life experience will have a ripple effect in every area of your life, positively affecting your health, your relationships, even your capacity to create financial abundance. When we take a stand for ourselves, the universe responds accordingly.

When you put your focus on who you truly are, your worth, claim your joy, what you deserve, the love that begins to spiral from within you will open so many doors for you that it will make you spin and it is this reality that you are ready to step into because suffering is no longer an option that we will tolerate.

If you know there's more and you're ready to get to the next level, create a life you love from the inside out and download your *free* copy of The Happiness Blueprint.