THE BLOG
01/25/2015 09:31 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

The Hidden Reason Why Your Relationship May Be Struggling

Maybe you've been arguing a bit more than usual or you've noticed your partner, family member, or friend has been a bit more on the "grumpy" side.

Because things had been going so well, you're a bit puzzled as to what has brought all this on. Maybe you've tried to talk with them about it, but what they have said doesn't really give the answers and insight you were looking for. Their explanations seem a bit vague and they haven't really told you directly what they want from you.

When we find ourselves in moments like this, it can be quite frustrating. We want to help the other person, but the information we have been given doesn't really help us do that.

In these moments, we can begin to really question things. We may feel trapped and powerless over improving anything.

Fortunately, there is something that you can do even in these situations where the person doesn't really tell you how you can help them. It is one of these hidden reasons that we may not always think of or realize unless we choose to really sit back and focus on the big picture.

The reason? It may have to do with what you are bringing into the relationship.

So what do I mean by this? What I mean is the kind of energy are you bringing into your interactions with this person. Are you coming home from work and venting every day to them about a specific co-worker? Are you calling them in the evenings and complaining about this "stupid" thing that your roommate did?

I don't even mean that you necessarily have to be doing it all the time but are you doing it at all? If you realize that you do have moments where you are really venting to your partner, friend, family member, or whoever, sit back and ask yourself: How do they react to your moments of "venting"? Does their energy change in some way? Do they seem to remain peaceful and calm or do they seem to "tense up" and get stressed by your venting?

We are all constantly being affected by one another's energy. If one person is having a bad day, then their energy can negatively impact us so that we are now suddenly in a bad mood. We can then direct that energy to others around us as well. The trouble is that many of us don't know this is happening because we don't stop, sit back, and reflect enough to notice.

So here's one example: You wake up in the morning in a great mood. It's a Saturday, so you've had the day off to do whatever you've wanted: catch up on chores, do some yoga, take the dog for a walk through the park, and so on. You're day has been a day of utter bliss and peacefulness.

However, you come home to your roommate complaining about some issue with her family. This stressful energy within her then turns into her complaining to you and your other roommate about something with the apartment. This then causes you to feel all distressed and angry.

You meet up with your boyfriend shortly after and, upon meeting up, you begin express all the frustration that you have towards your roommate at your boyfriend. You to say things like, "This is totally ridiculous," "This is so unfair," or "I just can't stand her."

Although you were probably hoping that expressing all of these frustrations would cause you so relief, instead you and your boyfriend begin to fight about random little things. You find the two of you arguing over things like where to park or where to eat for dinner. This then leaves you going to bed that night feeling upset and frustrated.

You see what I mean? In this example, this negative and stressful energy originated with the roommate and her family and the energy from that trickled into this romantic relationship.

These kind of things are happening all the time. The problem is that we don't notice that it is happening and, as a result, we don't stop this energy when it comes to us. Instead, we can bring it on to the next person we cross paths with, only to then make others feel all stressed out, angry, and upset as well.

So how can we stop doing this? Here are some steps:

#1 -- Make the effort to try to be aware. Check in with your energy levels throughout the day. Notice what events and people "trigger" you can cause a charged emotional reaction in you.

#2 -- Take time to get yourself centered. When we are triggered by someone else, we can tend to experience a bit of a antsy, flustered, or "scattered" feeling in our bodies. Taking the time to do some kind of meditation, breath-work, or mindfulness activity to center yourself and quiet the mind can be beneficial to calm down this natural body response.

#3 -- Be mindful about what you say and how you say it. Whenever you have noticed that you are triggered and about ready to interact with someone, be mindful over how you share what happened with this person. Rather than to go off venting and "let it all out," express it in a calm, collected, and balanced way. Really think about the words you use and the energy that you are giving out behind those words. Be mindful over how you may be affecting others.

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This blog was originally published on JenniferTwardowski.com

Jennifer is a self and relationship coach and teacher. She helps women worldwide create fulfilling relationships with both themselves and others so they can live happy and joyful lives. Click here for her Free Self and Relationship Healing Meditation.

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