Last week on the night of the attack in Brussels, I innocently posted this in a planner group on Facebook just like I do in the women's business groups on Facebook. I'm a Life Coach and inspirational writer, so it's my job to spread positivity. I got an Erin Condren planner recently and was looking to connect with a whole new set of ladies. Cheering women on is especially my thing.
And then they attacked. The haters went wild. Like waiting on the sidelines to get a chance to bite at the fresh meat... or take a jab at least. Each one of them were posting a new meme to top the hate of the one before. In their defense, this was supposed to be a ballsy group who said whatever they want. I get it, I follow A LOT of no apologies, EPIC female entrepreneurs/mentors/coaches. But they are about helping others and would never post negative stuff like these comments. Calling me names, criticizing my language, writing, "voice" and then making fun of whatever they could. They started posting screen shots of my Facebook page info. I was in shock. Yes, there were a few nice comments and I even got messages from some of them. But by the following day there were over 300 comments. That's a lot of meanness. None of this would fly in any of the groups I've ever been in. You'd be banned for life!
I am proud of who I've become and what I posted in the group. It took me a long road to get here. People who take the time to get to know me and don't just assume things know my empowering story. Short story is I was a bulimic, suicidal teen suffering from a dark depression, had panic attacks from childhood until I was thirty. Married at nineteen, a mom at twenty and still married nineteen years later. I lost sixty pounds in my mid-twenties and found out it would not make me happy. I went from an unfulfilled, angry stay-at-home mom to completely change my whole way of thinking and being.
Back to Facebook drama... I wrote on my own Facebook status after I felt attacked by nasty comments:
"I seriously got mean-girled in a Facebook group. I need a shower to dust off that shizz. I seriously send them love." (This is my silly vibe.)
They, of course, followed me over there and commented, taking more screen shots and going back to post in their group. Over ten haters on my personal profile felt like a lot. I obviously left that planner group because I was appalled and do not need that kind of negativity in my life. The following day there was even a woman that had to comment again on that status of mine. I'm thinking... let it go and do you not have something else going on in your life. I blocked the haters. I do wish them well though.
I had made the point that we should focus on more important things like prayers to Brussels. They were trying to say they were not being mean and were not bullying.
One of the definitions of bully is use influence to intimidate (someone)... as in ganging up on someone to make them feel bad, stupid, less than, etc.
I was bullied at age 10 for my body even though I was not overweight. I was called Porker from Porkertown. Words hurt. They can even kill.
I was bullied at 14 when a friendship with two other girls ended. I didn't want to go to school. You know that middle school/high school feeling where you just don't even want to exist because others' opinions matter so much at that age.
My hope is these women are teaching their children NOT to do this. Why do they need to tear anyone down? I'm not sure. Happy people don't do this. In my twenties, I was jealous and compared myself to other women, was a people pleaser, and would resort to verbal gossip amongst friends. When you grow, you change. Cyber bullying in a few comments even on a celebrity's picture is the same energy and intention as it is when some kids would gang up and text, message, or comment on your kid's picture online. The whole shaming game like calling people fat ugly, gay, weird, or different is literally killing kids. I hear about way too many suicides and we all need to do our part in making the world a kinder place. Take a look at your online activity. Are you proud of everything you write online? Would you wear it on a tee shirt for your friends and family to see?
It's not about having a sense of humor. I love silly and sarcastic stuff. Mean humor is not my thing, but especially when directly towards people with the intent to hurt. How do you explain that to kids? It's not a big deal? Oh, but it is. Where does it start and where does it end? Your kids are paying attention. They learn everything you're about and will repeat it. If you want your kids to be kind, be kind. This whole I'll be edgy and bitchy cool only works in teen movies. In real life, kind people will always be cool in my book.