1. You do more pretend cooking in a miniature kitchen than you do actual cooking in the full-sized one (and frankly, you're not sure which meals taste better).
2. You secretly wish there was some mommy competition involving your child's trendy crafts because you're a freakin' whiz on the Rainbow Loom, you make a mean potholder and you're not so bad with a spool of gimp, ahem, lanyard.
3. You find yourself searching "How to Do a Fishtail Braid" on YouTube.
4. You wonder how young is too young to start plucking her eyebrows?
5. You have the ability to turn a field day/camp tee into an off-the-shoulder, bedazzled, designer dud in the time it would take a child to throw a "fashion tantrum."
6. You understood what I meant when I coined the term "fashion tantrum."
7. You find yourself playing with pretty much the same toys you played with when you were little, only the tarted-up versions. (See Polly Pocket, Rainbow Brite and Strawberrry Shortcake.)
8. A dance party, song fest or drawing competition may be impromptu... but it's never unexpected.
9. Somehow, you always get to be the ugly, ratty Barbie with the hair plugs showing from a haircut gone awry and the one hand that's been chewed off by the dog.
10. Your coveted jewelry, handbags and heels have become someone else's playthings.
11. You know Furby from Fijit Friends.
12. There's a creepy-ass Lalaloopsy doll staring at you with those "Coraline" button eyes that you're pretty sure comes to life when you sleep.
13. Dealing with a monumental breakdown over the over the tag in a shirt, the seam on the sock or the color of a pair of undies seems totally normal (see fashion tantrum).
14. You know the one rule about stuffed animals: One Can Never Have Too Many of Them!
15. That chick's got an at-ti-tude and you know exactly where she got it from, though you won't admit it.
16. You have a sticker or something shimmery stuck to you at any given time.
17. Your make-believe life is way more exiting than your actual life.
18. Glitter to a girl is like the Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding; it cures everything... or at the very least, it makes it more tolerable.
19. You are willing to accept a severely sub-par mani-pedi or three (in a row) because your child has set up a salon and you're the only one dumb enough to show up for your appointment.
20. If it looks like the Disney Princesses threw up in your car.
21. You can't wait until she's old enough to watch Grease, Xanadu, Clueless or anything by John Hughes.
22. The term "rainbow-unicorn" can answer almost any question. How do you want to decorate your room? What's your favorite color? What do you want to be when you grow up?
23. There's a My Little Pony in your purse.
24. You hope to one day share a "Best Friends" charm.
25. You've made yourself an amazing companion (attitude and all) that's redefined the magnitude of love you ever thought you had to give.
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms who never get to be one of the cute Barbies!
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You Know You're the Mom of a Boy IF ...
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