12/11/2012 02:49 pm ET Updated Feb 09, 2013

The Disabled States of America

"I applaud the Senate for preserving our sovereignty." -- Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah), after the Senate voted down a United Nations treaty on disability rights

The glockenspiels and tubas of the UN marching band
Whose members all are wearing hearing aids
Descending in their wheelchairs on our freedom-loving land.
The Army of the Handicapped invades.

It occupies the Capitol, and bureaucrats proclaim
Their vision of a new reality:
Henceforth the very nation will have another name:
The U.S. of Accessibility.

The judges from the World Court come to throw us all in jail
For building stairs instead of wheelchair ramps
Rewrite the Constitution in large type and in Braille
And send our kids to special-needs day camps

And commandeer the networks in a move so brash and ballsy
Ban football games for being much too rough.
"Dancing With Disabled Stars Who Have Cerebral Palsy,"
Alternates with games of Blind Man's Bluff.

And every path or trail where you go walking
Will have a non-slip pad and a grab bar.
The dollar bill will portray Steven Hawking
And all the rest will feature FDR.