Aries (March 21-April 19)
It's a powerful month that may cause conflict as the warriors of Mars anger intense Pluto. Make sure not to worry, that sculpture of used dinnerware piled five feet high is totally going to help you finally move out of your mom's house.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
With Gemini in your Second House of Simple Pleasures, romantic desires may intensify. You could accidentally drunk text something that upsets a friend. Unfortunately the best solution the cosmos have come up with is to cancel service on your $400 phone.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
You may find your wheels are spinning and you are going nowhere fast. Just remember to step back and realize that the chain on your bicycle has been broken for three months. Take it to get fixed.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
The Moon is key this month, relationships can be a source of pain for you. Women's "cycles" are naturally tied with the lunar rhythm. So if you see a full moon... run... run as fast as you can.
Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
You are looking ahead to the future as the year draws to a close. However, that new performance art/dance/comedy "experience" may become a fantasy if you can't convince your aunt to fund the rest of your Kickstarter.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)
You are on a wild emotional ride as you feel passion one moment and then detachment the next. Don't worry, Winter Music Conference will be here soon enough and you can "feel" everything at once again.
Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)
You have a chance to stand up for something important to your heart. Thankfully, a surprising Mars-Uranus sextile was exactly what you were fighting for.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
Pay more attention to your financial future this month. Optimism grows when you finally sell that photo series of your sister and her various dates from Match.com. Her sadness proves profitable, so make sure her cut is small enough to never bring her joy.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
This month's alignment in your First House of Self could make you feel invincible. Keep in mind that no one likes a douche, so tone it down.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Intellectual Mercury will enter your 12th House of Escapism that can take your mind off of work. Explain this to your boss when he fires you for going "off the grid" the beginning of the month.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Cryptic Pluto, the mythological lord of the Underworld, is stirring in the lair. Fresh ideas inspired by Uranus's forward shift will cause you to finally understand Miami's booty bass.
Pisces ( Feb 19-March 20)
Your heart and head are wide open as Venus squares compassionate Neptune. This combination isn't great for self-restraint and common sense. Go ahead and text that person everything you've been wanting to say, you won't regret it in the morning.