Earlier this Easter Sunday, Glenn Beck, breakout star of Fox News and living proof that strong men also cry, announced a six-stop comedy tour starting June 1. The American public responded positively, noting that they finally "get it."
"All this time I thought I was laughing at him, but I realize now that I was laughing with him," noted Michael Rhys, a student at West Virginia University and regular viewer of The Colbert Report, where Beck's performance pieces are regularly reviewed. Rhys said he plans to travel to Richmond for Beck's last tour-stop. "I hope he says something vaguely racist about President Obama and then zooms in on his eyes, and maybe starts crying. I now realize that that stuff is priceless, and not just a terrifying demonstration of the far right's increasing lack of any sense of reality."
A Colbert Report staff member who wishes to remain anonymous noted that "not letting everyone else in on the joke was pretty hard. Here we are, constantly cherry-picking his best routines, his most over-the-top hysterics, his claims that Grand Theft Auto is the root of all evil, his comparing An Inconvient Truth to Hitler, I mean, I could go on and on. But somehow people still didn't get it." The staffer sighed and shook her head, "I never thought we would have to spell it out for them. I mean, when did everyone stop being so cynical?"
Though it has not been substantiated as of press time, sources close to Beck have rumored that Joaquin Pheonix is considering joining up with the tour as an opening musical act.