Couples who decide to get married are usually focused on their romantic future. Maybe that is where the saying 'love makes us blind' comes from. But before you decide to get married it is smart to think at least about the consequences. Shall you marry in community of property, or not? Just think about it now, because after ten years of marriage, when you decide to get a divorce, it will be very difficult to change your divorce agreements. For all the couples thinking about getting married, I have some interesting points to share before you decide to say "yes I do." After considering my points and thinking about your decision, it is then time to say "yes I do" or maybe not! Here are some tips to see clearly, now and beyond!
1. Yes I do... not marry on impulse
For a lot of people this is hard to imagine but it still happens a lot. Every week I meet people who married based on impulse. This category is the biggest disaster because they didn't think about anything and when they walk into our hotels and offices the consequences get clear. I simply do not understand how people think years about starting a company but marry on impulse and don't realize the consequences are the same. Seriously -- marriage is not a decision to make on impulse.
2. Yes I do... not marry too young
The divorce rate for couples that marry young is high. Did you know that 59 percent of marriages for women under the age of 18 end in divorce within 15 years? The divorce rate drops to 36 percent for those married at age 20 or older ("Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the United States," M.D. Bramlett and W.D. Mosher) Of course I do not want to discourage you but please at least think about these figures.
3. Yes I do... not marry if I am not a 100 percent convinced
Recently I helped a couple out with their divorce. The first thing the women told me after fifteen years of marriage, is she doubted it already on their wedding day. After she said yes on her wedding day she saw no way out. Now, fifteen years later, her announcement in my office came as an unpleasant surprise for her husband but it was the truth. She was 100 percent convinced about ending her marriage but should have listened to herself 15 years earlier.
4. Yes I do... not marry a foreigner without realizing the consequences
In the last decade travel around the world has been made so much easier. Because of that reason it has also became more popular. One of the consequences is that love is spread all over the world, which is fantastic! But what a lot of couples do not realize is that marrying someone from another country (and especially in another country) often leads to complex situations that can hurt the marriage. There are no guarantees about permission to stay and live in a country once divorced, and especially when kids are involved it can be complicated. Just educate yourself about the country, all aspects of the country, before you consider starting a relationship abroad. Being married and both living in another country can be stressful and very painful, but don't forget the often unknown differences in laws, specifically marriage and divorce laws. Just think about it, in advance, that's all I'm saying.
5. Yes I do... not marry on a romantic Bounty Island
And finally, here is some advice about your wedding location. Of course marrying on a romantic holiday destination sounds like a dream but it can become your future nightmare. In case you do decide to plan your marriage abroad, realize you will marry according to the law based on that specific holiday destination. Hopefully your marriage will not end up in a divorce, but if so it can become very complex, or rather expensive. Of course there are a lot of tips and tricks on what kind of destination you will choose. A very easy and safe option is to get married officially in the US, and plan your second "bonding" ceremony at your dream location. It may be a bit less romantic to have to say "yes I do" twice but it can save you from a lot of trouble in the future.
And finally, do not be blinded by love when you are getting married, but also let me not discourage you either! I am convinced that real love conquers all and that love is one of the most beautiful things in the world, and I wish your marriage will be too!
Just think about my points and be realistic.