THE BLOG
01/14/2015 02:13 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

How to Stop Lying to Yourself About Who You Really Are

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Third in the series: 8 Moves to Make 2015 Your Best Year Yet*

I lie to myself and I'm sure you do, too. We make up stories like these about why we

  • can't be happy in love
  • can't earn enough money
  • can't write a book
  • can't have a job we really love doing
  • can't be a better person
  • and on and on...

Buying into these lies is the biggest obstacle to having your best year yet in 2015.

Psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach calls it the "trance of unworthiness" -- a state in which you walk around in a fog of fear that clouds your connection to who you really are and keeps you from tapping into your true self. However, by asking yourself the fourth Best Year Yet question -- How do I limit myself and how can I stop? -- you can find your own biggest obstacle and discover how to move on past it.

Move 3: Stop lying to myself about who I really am

How do I limit myself?

Typical answers to this question:

  • I avoid difficult discussions
  • I don't tell people what's going on with me
  • I don't do what I say I'm going to do
  • I get lost doing stuff that doesn't matter

Writing your answers takes less than five minutes -- just ask yourself the question and write down whatever occurs to you. No editing -- please trust yourself. Continue to ask the question How do I limit myself? until nothing more occurs to you. Then move onto the next question.

What do I say to myself to explain my limitations?

Your answers to this question are your explanations and justifications for behaving in ways that limit you. Why is it that you limit yourself in the ways you listed above? What thoughts and feelings stop you from behaving in the way you really want to?

Read each of your limiting behaviors from the previous question, then write down your explanation for behaving in this way. For example

  • I avoid difficult discussions because I'm afraid of what might happen if I tell the truth.
  • I get lost doing stuff that doesn't matter because I avoid writing because I don't think I have anything worthwhile to say.

The words in bold are samples of limiting beliefs. We assume they are true and allow them to stop us, just as if there were a brick wall.  Things are only true if we believe they are. Here are typical examples of limiting beliefs, assumptions, and paradigms:

  • I don't have what it takes to get the job I really want.
  • I'm so unattractive, no one would be interested in me.
  • I'll never be rich - I'm lucky to be earning what I do.
  • There's no time to do what really matters to me.

These statements are not true. They are just habitual, negative beliefs that you have about yourself and your chances of success.  Yes, I know you have lots of proof that these beliefs are true. And as long as they're in charge, you'll have even more proof.

Once you've written everything that occurs to you in response to this question, look at your list and imagine that all of these statements are absolutely true. There is nothing you can do to change them.  Given that this is the case, what are your chances for success?  What will your future look like with these beliefs in charge? 

OK -- they really aren't true.  But we sure act as if they are, don't we? 

To find the biggest obstacle to having your best year yet, choose the one belief that currently has the strongest negative effect on you.  Which one is really holding you back?  Which one do you really believe is true?  That one is your strongest limiting paradigm.

One thing I know for sure.

Every belief, statement, point of view, thought, assumption or paradigm
that doesn't point you in the direction of the results you want is a limiting belief!

Think about it.

Move 4: Create my next year from the inside out

How can I stop limiting myself?

Here's the good news. You can use the same expertise you used to create and reinforce the lies, to manifest the reality you want. One based on the truth about you. A paradigm shift takes determination, but you've done it before and you can do it again. Just remember a time when you said I can't -- and then did it anyway!

To stop limiting yourself, shift your strongest limiting paradigm into a positive one. How do you do that? You make it up! What statement describes the reality you want to create for yourself in 2015? Here are some examples:

  • I'm creating the job I love, the job I deserve.
  • I'm a gift -- anyone would be so lucky to have me.
  • Money is abundant and flowing spontaneously to me.
  • I know exactly what to do, and I can be trusted to do it.

Notice that each of these statements is

  • personal (about you)
  • positive
  • present tense (the future never gets here)
  • powerful, and
  • pointing to an exciting new future for you

Once you have your new paradigm, keep repeating it to yourself until you accept that this is the truth and your old one is the lie. This won't happen overnight; for most of us it takes months. But keep going until you begin to feel that your new paradigm is starting to take charge. The magic is worth the wait -- I promise.

Your Positive Paradigm naturally leads you to take the Actions that generate the Results you want to achieve in 2015.

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My new paradigm for 2015? I love being who I am!

Be in touch if you have questions about how to make this work or perhaps want to share your new paradigm. Either scroll to the bottom to the comments section or contact me directly at jinny@bestyearyet.com.

*Review of 8 Moves to Make 2015 Your Best Year Yet:

  1. Appreciate my success.
  2. Learn from my disappointments.
  3. Stop lying to myself about who I really am. (this article)
  4. Create my next year from the inside out. (this article)
  5. Give myself a performance review.
  6. Set my top 10 goals.
  7. Be accountable.
  8. Pay it forward.

For more by Jinny Ditzler, click here.
For more on life lessons, click here.
For more about Best Year Yet, click here.

P.S. If you want to complete your plan sooner, you have these options: