08/06/2014 04:11 pm ET Updated Oct 06, 2014

Rent Is Too Damn High


Miami real-estate is slightly out-of-control. Our apartment (which we've rented for seven years) just sold for $500,000 and the new owners plan to renovate and then rent the unit out for almost double what we've been paying.

CUT TO -- two urban professionals perusing online ads looking for a new apartment.

The market is mind-boggling. Prices on rentals are rising ridiculously.

Ten percent increases might be reasonable but 40 percent to 100 percent -- um, no -- INSERT Jerry Seinfeld's crackling high-pitched voice: what is the deal, Miami . . . CUE ex-New York gubernatorial candidate Jimmy McMillan, stick him in Wynwood, let him twirl that mustache and yell: the rent is too damn high. Listen. Miami is a great city.

People who live here love and understand our city, way more than outsiders.

But let's be honest.

We are still a poor city. Our living wages are increasing, but our incomes are not. Other than the hospitality and tourism industry, which is off-season, there aren't many booming sectors of the economy. It's hard to find a steady full-time job in Miami. As a right-to-work state, employees have no voice or organizational clout. More and more businesses hire part-time workers to save expenses of offering full-time benefits. Some of this is systemic across the country, but a lot of it isn't.

Miami is a city of speculation.

A lot of these speculators are investing from the outside-looking-in.

To speculate is to form a theory about a subject without firm evidence.

The only evidence seen from the inside-out in Miami is that rent is going up; grocery prices are up; gas is expensive; FPL and Comcast bills are up; yet our incomes are staying the same or going down. Gone are the basic condo amenities that are supposed to come with the city. Adios central air-conditioning, flat screen televisions, doormen, a concierge, multiple valets of diverse gender, multiple in-house restaurants, jacuzzis, steam rooms, and of course an elevated view of the ocean.


FADE OUT -- goodbye awesome apartment on the bay.

It was fun while it lasted.